Nix's little world.

2011-06-03T09:15:00.000-07:00

" Do you believe in Jesus Christ?"

"Yes, of course I do "

" Then don't judge"

"....."

Life. Recently. Is Neutral. I won't say that it's horrible or to be insanely awesome, but just neutral

What does it take to forget someone you care about? It's not that easy for me to fathom out.

I care for people. When I do care for someone, I care for them all out. I always think what's best for them, not for myself. My momma said that it's good to be like that, but sometimes I'm being too selfish to myself. Mother knows best :) And the things I get in return from you? Your hateful remarks.

As history repeats itself.

You won't cherish a friendship, until you realize it's over.

I thought what we had was really something,

but it turned out that all the glitters are not gold.

I felt this deep connection within us.

But somehow somewhat.

You unplugged it.

A woman is like a rose,

If you treat her right,

She will bloom.

If you don't,

she will wilt.

My mind has been playing tricks on me. Mind games to be precise. Somehow I think there's another part of me dominating over my mind. I just want to get things right. No matter how I try to fix things, it just seems that I'm making more damage than amends. It's hard. To forget about someone you care of. Not especially when that someone is your best friend. Having such fond memories together. Sometimes I hate myself for feeling this way. I'd do anything to be my ownself and feel normal. Those 5 good years were something. We were like little school kids who once learned their ABC's together to grown teens.

My one regret. Was to overlook what I had before and only started to cultivate everything I have now. We all know that one day high school will be over with. Then we all have to start our lives anew once again. Fate is like gravity. You may FEEL like jumping up and down till your hearts content, but the earth still falls into the sun, and the sun still courses through the galaxy, both indifferent and short lived and insignificant defiance.

The best way to find your perfect match, is to meet love half way.

I forgotten what its like to feel that way. All the tingly sensation in your guts and having to feel the way that gravity seemed to be miscomprehended and levitates you off the ground. I sworn that I will not feel that way ever again until the time is right. My momma and daddy always taught me to never love another until the time comes. Well, its easier when your mouth is doing all the talking but I'm doing all the feeling. I'm trying my best to not plunge into the sea of regrets. Like a friend once told me,

relationships are like chewing gums. It taste really SWEET in the beginning, and after awhile, it gets TASTELESS, and you spit it out.

Basically, that's true. :)

I have a stubborn head. And my paranoid meter is off the charts xD Love doesnt happen to me always. I'm not that kind of girl who gets favoured by most boys. But that's okay with me. I tend to live with that :) Well dear girls, please stop complaining on how your boyfriends are NOT spending time with you. It wont KILL YOU to hold a worm, or even get yourself sweaty! Because we girls here are what your boyfriends truly deserve.

I.LOVE.MY.FAMILY.AND.FRIENDS. :)

Sometimes, you just have to follow your heart. :) Listen to it, because it's trying to tell you something :)

2011-02-28T03:51:00.000-08:00

Typically. There are THREE types of girls.

1st. The naive + goody two shoes.

2nd. The totally ABNORMAL ones AKA crazy

3rd. Bitches

Nope. I'm serious alright.

So you think you're all that pretty aye? And the other girls around you, you think they're nothing but ugly old fags? Think again Missy, because the world has many other prettier girls than YOU.

It doesn't matter how you judge people, but for all I know, beauty is always skin deep. And that's something you'll never EVER understand.

So what? You may think that everyone else is ugly, but open your EYES girl ( that is if you have any ) God made us beautiful, and he never makes mistakes, because we are all beautiful in our own way.

Beauty is not by the looks. It's from the heart.

Believe, the impossible. Because someday, you'll get there :]

2011-02-27T01:59:00.000-08:00

I've been doing a LOT a lot of thinking lately.

Once I vowed to myself to never love somebody ever again. Because loving that person wont give you the results they promised to be. Lately, this group of Curtin people came to our school to gave us some motivational talk, which I find it surprisingly .. motivating, considering the fact that I don't always listen to these talks, they'll end up boring you to death.

Surprisingly. To succeed in doing something, especially that something which is REAL REAL important to us, we need LOVE. What's the point if you're doing it all with hard work and determination when there's no one there to support you? The truth spoken out aloud, the inner truth is all I need to hear :) I have never felt soo good after hearing that.

Was in such relief after teachers have come to an agreement to use the script this year :) It's pretty stressful to do a lot of things one go considering that I have SPM this year == Darnit.

Pretty much a lot of things to catch up on.

This is Taylor. The person who saved me from getting tangled up in inexpressible emotions.

She has made all the inexpressible.. expressible.

And I'm forever grateful for it :)

Wished I've known her sooner. Because that would have saved me from a lot of awkward moments.

To all the little hearts that I once broke because of my abrupt sharp comments, I'm sorry.

To that someone special, please be there for me?

Because I was Enchanted to meet you :)

The lingering question kept me up

2am, who do you love?

I wonder till I'm wide awake

Now I'm pacing back and forth, wishing you were at my door

I'd open up and you would say,

It was enchanting to meet you

All I know is I was enchanted to meet you

This night is sparkling, don't you let it go

I'm wonderstruck, blushing all the way home

I'll spend forever wondering if you knew

This night is flawless, don't you let it go

I'm wonderstruck, dancing around all alone

I'll spend forever wondering if you knew

I was enchanted to meet you

To my beloved CS babes, don't break my heart? And don't give me endless sleepless nights?

Train to be the best! Because you are the best!

To my besties, I've missed you. Every single one of you.

I.LOVE.YOU.ALL.VERY.MUCH.

Please don't be in love with someone else

Please don't have somebody waiting on you

BLAH

2011-01-15T20:43:00.000-08:00

Another year. Another hectic life. Another new year's resolution. And another to fight for.

Yep. It's the start of the new year. Pretty boring I'd have to say when all the ones you love most are transferred to another class. Teacher's are mean, homework pilling up, yea, nothing surprising. Just a new way the teachers have in mind for torturing us. :( Teachers are all so demanding, not to mention really pathetic ( well yea SOME ).. lack of sleep. Well yea, that's pretty much about what's going on and what is happening around me. ==

Well, yea, cheers to 2011. Hope this time, I'd survive the final battle :P

My new years resolution : SPM straight A's :)

2010-11-24T00:28:00.000-08:00

Dear YOU,

How are you lately? We haven't talk much ever since you decided to walk out of my life and bid forever goodbye. Things are going great with me, don't you worry a single bit :] Life now, well, its okay, average.. I managed to cope through loads of stuff. Little did you know, you still left a part of yourself inside of my life. A life that revolved around the both of us :] I can't stop you from leaving, because .. You and I were never meant to be. Being super popular amongst your friends, the ROSE amongst the bushes.. How'd you expect me to blend in with this sort of people? It's just not me. You know? I wished I would have told you earlier, but I didn't want to break your heart. I wont want to unleash my burden in my heart just to make mine lighter and yours broken. :( I do care for you really, sometimes just more than that.

Do you remember? Our little conversation ? I remembered every single one of it crystal clear :] We used to talk about almost everything. In class, sometimes I'd see you turn your head around, giving me that naughty look, I can't do much but just smile and blush. Nobody knew about us actually. Because in my head, I know this wasn't going to last, and you know what? my head was right all along :]

Give love a try. I never knew what was like to be in that sort of condition.I'd always dream of having that experience. Having someone out there watching over you, knowing that there's always somebody to watch your back. :] Do you remember? Someone was ridiculing me ( not in a bad way ) and you can't help but pushing that person's head? That moment. That VERY moment. I felt special. I felt somebody DO actually stand by my side. :] You made me feel like the happiest person on earth. :-] Deep down in my heart, you may not be the most appealing person I've known, but I know that in there *points at heart * is somebody with a BIG heart. :]

One fine day, you web chat me. You said its over. I can't help but feeling this day is gonna come. I can never make a commitment to you at such a tender age. I was naive. I know. Honestly, I knew this was coming all along, I just never thought it would actually last that long :] But still, you said everything you need to, and I truly accepted it :-] No hard feelings. I took it well, and said goodbye. :-] You ought to be free, and not just trapped in a cage.. you need to go out there and look for that certain someone who truly will be the one for you. You and I both know that this wasnt going to last. Naive we were and not to mention childish too xD You are one of the best people I have ever known, and all the memories we had together will continue to live with me forever.

Right now, everytime I see you, I don't know what to say. Hi? How are you? My mouth just clenched tight. I can only look at you for awhile and just look away. What else can I say? You walk past me and nudged me on the elbow. OUCH. But you made me realize something. Amidst of what emotional roller coaster we've been through, we're still good friends. And for that, I'm truly honoured to have met someone like you.

It was so many years ago, but still I can remember it with my eyes shut.

Thank you. For everything you did for me. Thank you. :-]

PS : YOU know who you are. :]

I lost

2010-11-13T01:22:00.001-08:00

To : somebody who was once special to me

Exhaustion filled my limbs,

Weariness swept across me,

Weakened by the second.

I dropped my weapons,

Turned my back.

I've lost.

I've lost the battle.

Never have I thought,

Of seeing daylight again.

Over-confidence,

is a word to describe me.

I've abased you,

Thinking that it would be easy.

But I was wrong.

Now that you've unmasked yourself,

I can now truly see your true self.

Shame overshadowed me,

I cursed under my breath,

This was not meant to happen.

I've let my guard down,

and you've overpowered me.

I lost.

I've lost the battle.

Seeing you across the room,

triumphing, rejoicing over your victorious win.

You gathered your friends ( are they ? ),

bragging away like a conceited brute.

It burns my ears,

Just by hearing your words.

I can't help it,

but walked away.

I lost.

I've lost the battle.

YOU,

with your words like poison,

you shatter peoples heart into millions of pieces.

You don't even realize,

Every step and actions of yours,

is hurting somebody tremendously.

But you don't know,

what you don't know.

YOU!

keep your loud opinions to yourself,

because nobody really cares.

With your words like knives and swords,

you pierced my heart,

and left a scar behind.

Someday,

Somebody will turn the tables over.

You think you're innocent,

But your words slipped out of your fowl mouth,

and broke their heart.

It's not too late to change,

I thought you would,

But your numbness forbids you.

All this time,

I walk with my head held low,

trying to block you out of my sight.

But this time,

I held my head high,

and forced a weak smile,

telling myself " its alright "

This battle isn't over,

It's a new beginning.

The chapter may end now,

but the story goes on.

I lost.

I've lost the battle.

I looked up,

saw you across the room.

I'm not giving up just yet,

I'd rather die trying,

than to forfeit.

I may have lost,

but I'll triumph again.

Obstacles may come my way,

But I'll surpass them.

You may think you're the best,

but there's always somebody better than you.

Think about it.

I lost.

I've lost the battle.

Savour your victorious moments.

Because this girl is about to get you back!

I may have lost,

but everyday is a new day.

You motivate me,

making me better day by day.

I lost.

But we'll see in time,

who truly wins this battle.

beautiful boring day

2010-09-05T09:18:00.000-07:00

Another beautiful boring day. Let's see. Holidays started, and I have a long list of plans to be fulfilled for the weekend. What about you? having a blast to I suppose?

Teachers aren't very forgiving. They kept on forgetting we have lives on our own. -.- Seriously? I have been studying

all day long before holidays and teachers give homeworks as IF you have the rest of the days free. Well, YEA you have the rest of the days free. B

ut, we'd be busy meddling with other unimportant stuff ( you know what I mean ).

I'm so obsessed with vintage photos lately. ( on the right >> and on the left <<) They're beautiful, and yet somehow peaceful to look at. It reminds me of photographs taken by the olden days. No matter how long you stare at it, it wouldn't bore you or even make your eyes tired. Maybe it's just me :) I love photos like these :)

Father Stan is coming! I'm so excited about it! I have been waiting all year long for his return. They kept saying that he wouldn't return and it would be his final year last year.. but well, they were wrong.. for the 2nd time! and I'm REALLY glad that they're wrong. The teenagers all around Malaysia needs him. I'm real impresse

d with how excited some people could be. Some even flew all the way from KL just to attend his rally :) This year, Father Stan brought along Bob Rice. I think it's gonna be majorly awesome. One of them is already awesome alright.. but the both of them, I'd bet they're gonna bring the house down :) EEKKK! I'm REALLY EXCITED ! xDD

I have been pretty bored lately. Nothing's going on with my life. So yea, that's why you seldom see me blog poems or stories, because nothing happened. The poems and stories in my blogs are inspirations from the people and things happening around me. Everytime I feel like I need to write, I write. It's good for your inner soul and heart. I can't believe people would call people having hobbies like these are nerds. Well guess what? These people are just darn boring and aggressive people who has anger issues and can't even control they're emotions. If you're someone like that, write a story or poem. It doesn't even have to be.. perfect from the viewers perspective,

as long as the story comes from your inner self, that's what it truly matters :) Or even better, write a song! Sing it out loud. :) Its fun sometimes. Make up your own song, and start humming a few tunes.. it calms the brain from exploding :)

I have a list of stuff I want to do for the holidays, but most of them are private so I won't be posting out here. :X soweee xD

Everybody has dreams of their own. What's yours? It would be nice to actually have your mind drift off to some place that never does exist.. and let your mind run WILD and let imagination conquers everything. I know I may sound like a kid now, but really.. ever since young .. dreams are the one place that I like to belong to and remain there for the rest of my remaining lives. Dreams are like paradise, there are no rules and boundaries to anything, because in your own dreams, you are living in your own world. And.. what's best, you get to create it. :) When I was a kid, I dreamed I was a .. fairy princess or some sort. Yea, I KNOW. T-Y-P-I-C-A-L. Well, that's the after effect AFTER you watch all those princess movies. Sleeping beauty, Cinderella and Snow White are CLASSICS and these are the movies I'll make my future generation watch as well. :) Too good to be missed. Anyways. Other than that.. my REALITY dream is to visit and tour around Europe. Ahh, Europe. The MOST romantic country on earth. :) There's Venice, ( gondola ride! ) France ( the view, the fashion, the people! ), Rome ( the ruins, the love atmostphere ) Rome has been a place I dreamed of going to. I will, one day :) My parents went there before. -.- So not fair. Maybe one day when I get married, I'll go there for my honeymoon. :) Rome is a place to be. I love the food, culture, people, fashion .... it's more like heaven to me :) My 2nd favourite place in Europe is France. I'd like to go there someday too. :) It's pretty at night, fireworks.. the eiffel tower... the fashionistas.. oh galore! I REALLY do wanna go there. xD

Well, enough day dreaming for me. I'm off to bed :) YAWNS.. TATA's

2010-09-01T02:48:00.000-07:00

There comes a certain time, where we do want to know what we want to do with our lives. Yea, like since young, we'd go all ambitious and start saying stuff like.. Doctors, Pilots, Presidents ... and many other crazy stuffs. But little did we know then, it was so much more easier said than done. As we grow up, we start to rethink our decisions, how would it affect our lives. You see, to say something is way more easier than to get your hands dirty and do it. Life isn't easy. No one said it would be that way. If life were easy, there's no point in living and accepting everyday life challenges. Don't you think so? Sometimes, we just tend to run away and let this topic slip by. But then, it has its on way to come back and chase after us.

Lately, I have been thinking about what I want to do with my future life after uni. Well, to be successful one day, you ought to look further and deep down into your life :) I have been thinking a lot of crazy stuffs. I can never be a doctor, ( No offence if you're a doctor .. ) I can't stand blood. Literally. Everytime I see blood, it just makes me run to the toilet and start puking or giving me that nausea feeling. Maybe blood from a slight cut will do, but then if BLOOD .. that sort of blood where it purges out from your skin/organ, na-uh that won't do. *runs to the toilet *

I have lined out certain things that I might be interested in. But somehow, I just feel it rather silly and maybe unprofessional. My family, friends and parents are doing all those professional jobs.. and I don't think it'd be right for me to do something not up to their standards. But still, I'll follow my heart and do the stuff that I really wanted to do. :) But until then, my heart and mind are completely blank and I still am indecisive about what I am to do in the future.

I have been watching a lot Michelle Phan's videos. It just made me grew in envy :/ Seeing all those pretty teenage girls going to school with make-up. Michelle's videos are tutorials on beauty, make up and loads of other cool stuff. ( GIRLS! recommended to watch ) Sigh, if only our school allowed make up.. that'd be awesome. But then again, it would be a bad thing. Because instead of seeing students, you'd be seeing clowns :x

Well, I have something to say to a special someone :)

Every once in a while,

We'd meet someone special.

And everytime we look at them,

You'd feel everything seemed perfect,

And nothing could ever destroy your moment.

Little did you know,

At such tender age,

You're fragile heart can't take it.

He let you go,

Because he loves you no more.

You burst into tears,

But I'd stayed with you,

And to tell you,

That I'm always by your side.

He left you there,

broken and shattered.

He wasn't the right one for you my dear,

and what's more,

you deserve better :D

You took a piece of glass,

Sunk it into your flesh,

Blood squirted out,

and you cried out in pain.

Why are you doing this to yourself, my dear?

Was he worth all the cutting you did to yourself?

There's no point doing harm to yourself if he doesn't feel that way,

You are surrounded by love.

From me, your friends and family.

Your daddy won't like it if he sees what you're doing,

he'd feel sad and disappointed that the raindrops start falling.

There are many fishes in the sea.

Just remember to catch the right one :)

He is waiting for you my dear,

the question is,

how long are you willing to wait?

xoxo

CHEERS :)

2010-08-07T09:08:00.000-07:00

They said that inner beauty is all that matters.. inner beauty wins over their outer appearances. Somehow, people used to tell that to me a lot, but somehow, this isn't the truth anymore. :(

I just don't understand really, what is wrong with boys nowadays? only want to go for the pretty girls? i'm not trying to implore saying that im pretty myself or whatsoever.. it's like.. somehow boys are blinded by appearances. And i believe this applies to most boys..

This world is just going to be getting even materialistic as ever.. well, that's life isn't it? hmm.. i do wonder if boys feel the same way when girls only go for the hot guys? xD because.. i don't mean to brag.. but some guys ( especially in international countries ) are handsome xD Still, in no doubt Taylor Lautner is still the hottest being on earth XD

Well, all i gotta do is wait. I'm sure if i wait longer and patient enough.. the Mr Right will be right in front of me, also patiently waiting for me. I learned that to rush a certain something especially in a relationship is not good, at all .. for the soul, for the heart and for themselves. Just like a seed of a flower. You can't expect it to grow within seconds, it requires someone to nurture it, water it, provide sunlight.. then it will blossom into something remarkable. Patience is a virtue. I keep telling myself that.

Sometimes I feel empty. Inside and out. I don't need a boyfriend to survive now.. I have all the love i need from my family and friends. :) But sometimes, i just feel empty.. and I wish someone was there to be with me.. always. I mean, who doesn't want that? sometimes I keep on telling myself I'm rushing, and there is no need for that. But sometimes I do ask myself, what if he never did wait for me? I believe this all goes back to God. I see a LOT of single ladies at the age of early 40's ... and I dont want to be like that when I'm 40 T.T

Oh God, please don't make me single for the rest of my life :(

Music

2010-07-24T00:35:00.000-07:00

Once upon a time, both of them were strangers, until they found each other in a music competition. The lady, Clora searched high and low for a seat to enjoy the night, but there wasn't a seat at her sight. A kind gentleman saw her. He saw a rose amongst the bushes, the bright star in the night sky, the sun that warmed his heart. Henry stood up, with his top hat on his arm, he took her hand and invited her to sit with him. Clora blushed, and sat down. Both of them were music lovers. To them, nothing matters most but music. They express their love for music deeply and passionately to each other. Before they know it, romance started blooming between them.

The couple had a very unique way of expressing each other. No words could express their inner feelings, but only music could. Henry plays the piano. When he's happy, he would play the piano cheerfully with a smile across his face, when he's sad and blue, he would play softly and tears would moist at the corners at his eyes, when he's furious, his fingers would dance angrily on the piano, playing the piano loudly even the metronome couldn't keep up. For Clora, she plays the violin. When she's happy, she would play the violin at a happy tone and even Henry's feet would start dancing around. When she's sad, the whole house would be filled with melancholy music notes. When she's angry, the strings of her violin would vibrate violently. Music brought them together, and their love for each other grew stronger day by day.

Being a music lover, Henry often performs for the people in London. The people in London loved his music performance. His life was perfect. He got the woman of his life, he got the adoring crowd. One day, he was offered to go on an European tour to perform to the people in Europe. After having to receive this remarkable news, he darted off and told Clora. At daybreak, after Henry packed his bags, he was more than ready for the opportunity of his lifetime. Clora wished she could come along, but she had too many things to do and she couldn't leave just like that. All Clora could do is wish him the best of luck. After kissing him goodbye, she saw the man of her life slowly descending from her sight, and walking into stardom.

Henry was a huge hit. He was all over the news, the papers, the media is a total buzz about Henry's performance. Clora couldn't feel any happier for him. She wished she could be there to see Henry's great performance. Everyday of her life, she always wished that Henry would come back to her, into her arms, but she know Henry has far more better things to focus on. She would stand by the window, looking out for him. The days would turn to months, and months would turn to years. Everyday when the paperboy delivers the paper, Clora would see Henry's face on the front page. At times when Clora felt sad, she would start playing her violin at a desolate tune. People who passed by Clora's house would feel sad for her, they couldn't do anything much but only hoping for Henry's return.

Clora's hope is crushed. Her thoughts would run miles ahead of her, and thinking of the worse of her relationship with Henry. She was worried that Henry would never come back for her and moved on. She broke down into tears and at moments like this she wished Henry was by her side comforting her with his cheerful music. Henry's grand piano stood at the middle of the living room, he wanted it to be the centrepiece of the living room. Clora left the piano the way it is since Henry left. Dust started to gather on the surface of the keys and the dust started to gather in layers. Clora would sit on the piano chair, placed her fingers onto the keys, she could still feel Henry's fingers on the piano, dancing away creating symphony for the entire neighbourhood. Just by thinking about him, it made Clora missed him more.

One day, the doorbell rang and it startled Clora. It was a pleasant visit from Mr Parker, Henry's close friend. Mr Parker drew a desolate sigh, and told Clora about the grieving news. Henry was back in town, but he wasn't in good shape. Parker told Clora about the incident starting from when Henry was out one night with a couple of friends, but then the driver was drunk and they met with an accident. The driver didn't survive the accident, Henry was lucky enough to have survived it, but he was in a deep comma. After hearing this, Clora couldn't stop hearing her heart shattering, her whole body was weak that she collapsed to the ground. Parker helped Clora up and brought her to the hospital to see Henry.

Arriving at the hospital, Clora couldn't imagine the sight she was about to witness behind the door of Henry's room. Clora opened the door slowly, the door creaked and all she could see was Henry, lying helplessly on the bed with only the support of a life machine. Clora walked slowly towards him as she saw the man she loved slowly dying away from her sight. She hold his hands, hoping Henry would grip her hand tightly. Minutes turned to hours, hours turned to days, days turned to weeks, Clora wouldn't give up hope, she knows that Henry would be back if she waits. The doctors looked at Henry and shooked their heads, they sighed and said he couldn't last for a week. Clora wouldn't give up hope, she still believes that everything would turn out to be alright. The next day, the doctors told Clora it was time to switch off Henry's life support machine. She knew that Henry wasn't there anymore, it's the machine keeping his body alive. Clora took a deep breath, reached for the machine switch and turned it off. She placed her warm

hands on Henry's cold cheek, kissed his lips and said goodbye. She was happy at first, after knowing that all his sufferings are gone, but then she felt glum because she knows that Henry would never be back. But she knows that one day, Henry would be waiting patiently for her, just like how she waited for Henry's return.

It was a drizzling, grim morning. The flowers that once bloomed lowered their heads, the birds that once chirped sang a sad song. It was the day of Henry's funeral. People from all over the continent came to Henry's funeral. Everybody mourned and grieved for a great performer who once brought life to the streets of London and Europe, have become part of their distant memories. Clora played her violin sadly. For Clora, music was the one that brought Henry and herself together, and that would be the way how Clora would want to send Henry off. Clora knows that Henry no longer will be by her side, but she knows that he'll always be at her heart, and waiting for her at the gates of heaven.

:'(

2010-07-21T04:49:00.000-07:00

You said you believed me

You said you trusted me.

You said I was nothing like the others.

But now everything changes.

Where has that trust gone to?

You started doubting me..

It hurts me terribly.

I cannot believe someone like you

would do this to me.

Why is it so hard for you to understand?

That I'm not like the others?

I don't feel safe in my own world

I don't even feel safe in my own mind.

Somehow I just know

you might be there searching for clues

You stabbed my heart

Right to its core

I thought we dealt with this before.

I wish you knew,

how I truly felt.

I don't want this to continue anymore

I hope you'd understand.

2010-06-24T07:04:00.001-07:00

THE FEAR SONG :)

Fear is still living in me,

I beg and pleaded,

but it just wont go away...

What can I do to make you fade?

Out of sight..

Out of mind...

Oh Mr Fear,

What do you want from me?

I have nothing special ..

So just please leave me alone!

What can I do to make you disappear?

So that I can be fearless?

EESH! Mr Fear,

Can't you see I'm very busy..

I'm trying to live out my life like it's the very last..

Why are you still bugging me when I sent you off?

I guess we have to do this the hard way...

RAWR! Mr Fear..

Please do me a favor..

Just this once, let me succeed.

All I need is this once,

To prove that I am brave,

So that everything is going to be fine :)

GAH!! Mr Fear,

You're getting on my nerves..

Why is it that you just won't listen?

I'm getting tired of playing your games..

Now just get the heck out of my life..

Dear Mr Fear,

You're very quiet this few days..

Your silent treatment getting me worried..

Was it something I said?

Oh please don't drift away..

I'm truly am very sorry...

Yo! Mr Fear,

Guess who I just met,

I met with Mr Love.

He taught me how to love,

one another like yourself..

and now life couldn't get any better..

Greetings Mr Fear,

Guess what Mr love taught me,

He taught me how to fall in love.

I met this guy since a long time ago..

but now I'm unsure whether is it for real.

Times like these,

I wish I was afraid..

So that I won't make stupid mistakes.

Before It's too late,

I'm begging you please...

Do come back to me?

HEY! Mr Fear..

You're finally back!

Where have you been all this while?

I'm sorry I kept you aside in my mind..

But it's good to finally have you back :)

I guess it just comes to show,

it's good to have a little fear in you.

Sometimes it's ok to be afraid..

But don't let it all go to your head :)

-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Hey fellow readers :) How's everything? Yes.. that song .. I made it up. I just feel so frustrated about things going on these few days.. and.. if i actually blogged it out here.. it will take more than just one post :) believe me xD Anyway.. I do appreciate comments :) if you have anything to say about it.. just SAY! I'm all ears :)

OH.. to people who DONT KNOW what I'm trying to say here.. it's basically about how I feel these days.. I'm toying around with my emotions.. and my frustrations just never ends because MR FEAR " the meanie " is holding on to them and never letting them go. :)

2010-06-18T00:24:00.000-07:00

Dearest Diary,

School is going to reopen soon. And I'm not liking the feeling. You have that " freedom is gonna end " in your head, and your stomach twists around and it made you feel sick. But yea, that's exactly how I feel right now. Somehow I feel like I did lose or gain weight? but who cares? ( I do, really ) Homework is starting to pile up, and whoopee.. I haven't even touched any.. ( right ) Things have been pretty hectic really, now that everything has changed... and I have to be more responsible in doing things.. it's just.. clamoring up my freedom to do things.. you know? the stuff I use to do when holidays are here. Well, I can't do anything much right now, now that there's only 2 days left of holiday. ( bummer )

So much pressure. Coping with my piano examinations, which is on August. And it's driving me crazy. You know? having to cope with what others want... and having to practice piano every single day.. but.. I don't have that kind of time anymore now that I'm in form 4. After so long, I have been trying to search for my inner talent. Talent can mean anything right? I have been thinking about mine. Writing? Piano? Honestly speaking, I don't think Piano is my sort of thing anymore.. now that I know that I literally suck at it. If you compare me to the others.. it's completely different.. yea. Sadly as it sound.. I wish I major in it.. but unfortunately.. I don't.. I don't have the time to major in it.. but I do hope that someday I will.. :)

Once I wished that I excel in extreme sports. Like, Skiing? paragliding.. but I do have a goal though.. that 1 day I would do bungee jump. It looked interesting though.. but the problem is.. I'm never good with heights. That time, when I'm at New Zealand ... at Sky Tower, some thriller bungee jumped. It must have felt so free to fall just like that, let gravity take over your entire body.. and let your body weight do the rest. It must have been fun to do that. But to embrace your fear, it's a courage not EVERYBODY can do. But I do hope that one day.. I can do that.

Everybody has dreams. Some broken, some shattered.. some fulfilled. Nobody can have their dreams fulfilled with just the snap of your fingers, but it takes more than that.. Dreams are like stars... it's so far apart.. but it's just waiting for you to grab it. In order to grab them, you need to find solutions to get there.. same thing like what we're doing now.. don't you think?

My trip :)

2010-06-15T22:45:00.000-07:00

cousins :)

LUGE :)

Hey guys! How's holiday so far?? Having a great time aye? Well.. Enjoy it while you still can, because holiday ends in a few days time :) After this.. the whole hectic life begins again.. tuition, school life, homeworks.. nah.. you name it yourself :) But well, let's face it. When something good happens.. it'll bound to end somehow..

Don't shed a tear,

because it's over..

Muster a smile on your face..

because it happened.

I'm pretty worked out bout the outcome of the exam. I'm so darn worried bout it. When I was at vacation and then this stupid commercial in the television .. made me worried sick because it kept talking about students with bad grades. >.<>

Ok, my vacation to NZ was awesome! Never had any better experience than this throughout my 16 years of life! I can't imagine the view there.. it's sooo BEAUTIFUL! if you take a good look at the postcards.. it's the exact same thing you will be seeing there. A lot of graduates who study there.. never plans to go back.. and now I do understand why.. such a scenic view.. nobody would want to leave.. :)

I kinda have culture shock there. :/ you know, the exposure of .. stuff that you NORMALLY don't get to see back at home. For instance.. they have this van.. painted with naked people -.- '' and uh.. I can't imagine that they actually sell rated things at normal souvenir shops.. AND the commercials.. golly.. I was covering my eyes throughout.. -.- so yea, you kinda get the idea what I'm talking about -.-

It's really COLD there.. but not at Auckland. The temperature is fine.. it's like being in an air conditioned room. But at Queenstown.. I can't believe I wore triple layer of pants and double layer of clothes PLUS my winter clothings and scarf -.- No idea how the people survive there. Most probably that they're kinda used to that climate :)

NZ is 4 hours difference from Malaysia. SO.. practically when you guys wake up.. I'm having lunch.. and when you guys are having lunch.. I'm going to have dinner soon.. and when you guys have dinner.. I'm sleeping. Pretty crazy stuff. I so miss the coldness there and it's sooo HOT here. xD oh well :( I'd do anything to go back there again.

Well, more photos can be seen at facebook :)

I really missed everybody. I can't wait till school reopens :) MISSED YOU ALL :)

:)

2010-06-10T05:36:00.000-07:00

Everything felt like a dream,

I pinched myself hard,

Only to realize that this time,

It was really happening.

I look out of the window,

I saw the scenic view I once dream of.

My breath fogged up the glass,

And I drew a funny face.

As I walk down the boulevard,

The chilly wind started blowing.

I held my coat closer to me,

And my scarf wrapped tight around my neck.

When my gaze were locked at the clock,

My mind would run a million miles,

Thinking what will you be doing back home.

Light penetrated through my curtains,

I glanced through the window.

I saw the night sky washed across the landscape,

Silhouette with the shinning stars,

The glowing moon beaming back at me.

My mind went miles ahead of me,

Is this the exact view you're seeing back at home?

Snow started pattering on my shoulders,

It's snowing alas!

Everywhere was covered with white blankets.

Snowballs flew over, under and through me,

The cold, frozen ice ball melted against my warm cheeks.

The laughter of children filled the air,

Housewives sweeping snow off the pavement,

Guys sweeping snow off their vehicles.

This is life here.

And I'm loving it.

Sitting beside the warm fireplace,

with a cup of hot chocolate in my hands.

My whole body was still shivering from the cold.

The hot drink warmed my entire system.

The heat kinda reminded me of home.

How I missed the heat..

The warmth..

Here I am,

On my bed,

Cuddled in my blanket,

Holding my pillow tightly,

Resting my head against it.

Just by thinking about my vacation,

It got me all nostalgic.

Another chapter of my life completed.

A good bed time story to tell my future generation.

And a good adventure to reminisce about in the future.

I'm back.

And I'm glad. :)

Don't shed a tear,

because it's over,

But smile,

because it happened

WHEEEEEE

2010-05-26T22:44:00.000-07:00

HEY HEY! how's it going? xD It's been so long since I last updated this blog.. well.. exams are over.. and I AM SOOOO RELIEVED! RAWR the exam this time seemed forever and non stop.. 2 whole weeks made it seemed like.. 2 whole months -.- I know I'm exaggerating.. but it does kinda feel like it. :( Well, enough said about the past.. now holiday's HERE!! finally.. 3 whole WEEKS~~

I feel like screaming at the top of my voice .. till my lungs can't breathe! :)))) constantly.. I'd still think that I'm dreaming.. and all of this just ain't real.. but it's real alright! HOLIDAYS ARE HERE!!! :))))

I am sooo DARN looking forward to vacation! :)) I so badly need one. I can't stand the heat here.. and it's driving me crazy every afternoon. The intense heat gets on my nerves and it makes the whole world turn upside down :( everything just don't seem right -.- Turning on the air conditioner every afternoon .. :P Heh, I rather it rain than the scorching heat -.-

-VACATION--VACATION--VACATION--VACATION--VACATION--VACATION--VACATION--VACATION--VACATION--VACATION--VACATION--VACATION--

Yeah.. these are the only words in the my mind now.. :) NZ !! here I COME! Hope I don't get jet lag -.- like last time -.- horrible horrible HORRIBLE -.-

WELL.. I'm off to do ENJOY myself now.. TATA

Miracle. Love. Friends. Silence.

2010-05-10T02:46:00.000-07:00

A miracle had happened today :)

There are times I do wish,

That somehow I'd like to believe,

every problem faced,

can be solved,

with a blink of an eye.

The dew drops silhouetting against my window,

The dark and bright skies are playing collage,

I breathed out,

And my breath stained the car window with water.

I placed my hand on the car window.

It's cold.

It's morning.

It's Today.

No more delaying.

I had enough.

It ends today.

I was afraid.

I was timid.

I was scared.

I came in like the wind,

I knock on your door,

I see smiles,

but not yours.

I approached you,

I held your hands,

You were trembling,

I can feel it.

You stood up,

pat my shoulders,

and apologized.

It was a miracle.

God answered my prayers.

Friends,

they're everywhere.

But are they,

your true friends?

Friends,

come and go.

But true friends,

won't leave your heart.

Friends,

lend you a shoulder to cry on,

hugs you whenever you feel down,

make you smile again when you're sad.

Friends,

are the people,

whom you can count on,

trust,

believe,

rely...

Today was wonderful. A miracle happened. God answered my prayers :) I cannot believe what just happened just now. But, it DID happened. I never did believed in changing people by just talking.. I always have believed that we can make a difference by using forceful acts or forceful instructions. But I was wrong, because all along.. I never was exposed to all these.. but abruptly.. this happens.. and the feeling was.. AWESOME. :)

I had a super awesome day today.. DID YOU?

Miracles.

They don't happen just like that.

But,

They do happen,

When you least expect them to.

Miracles,

They don't fall from the sky,

They don't happen magically..

But,

It all starts from you.

Miracles,

has happened to thousands..

But,

It touches us ..

once in a life time.

Love empowers everything. No matter what the situation is. Love is the answer to all. I don't mean that puppy dog love -.-'' But, the love that someone can SHOW to the other in many ways.

Love can be trasmitted in many ways.. but the best way to show the LOVE you have for them.. is the silent way.

Silence is strong.

Silence is brave.

Silence is quiet.

Which symbolizes peace.

Love is quiet.

Love is sweet.

Love is kind.

Love is neat!

Love tells you,

the things you don't hear.

But touches you,

with silence. :)

2010-05-06T07:51:00.000-07:00

Like I said, Life is difficult.

No one said it was going to be easy.

Yeah, it's true.

Now, Hope is all I can cling on to.

I came to you,

Out of nowhere,

Like the wind,

Knocking on your door.

Entering inside,

I see new faces.

I see smiles,

but not yours.

I came up to you

You were frightened in the inside,

but you never show it out.

Little did you know,

I was frightened too.

I never did say I'm giving up.

But I'll push myself to a whole new level.

The biggest challenge in life,

can be solved if you believe hard enough. :)

Everytime I closed my eyes,

I could only see your face.

When I'm not thinking about anything,

I could only think about you.

When I open my eyes,

All I can see is you.

I'm going to change you.

It's not impossible.

Nothing is impossible,

till you tried till the very end.

Sometimes, I do wanna blame myself. You know, taking up probation. It's like.. why did I even wanted to do this? Being one of the most HATED people in school. Well, I do admit sometimes my ego is a little over, but then, I'm constantly telling myself. Every step I've fallen, I'll get up and try again. I'm not going to call quits, I'm going to go through this till the very end. I believe I can, I believe I will.

It's not easy handling people.

You can't control them .. fact number 1.

You can't make them listen to you.... fact number 2.

You can't make them obey every single instructions you make... fact number 3.

My heart beat races,

Sweat dripping down my cheeks,

Fear clenched my teeth.

Unable to say a word.

Oh well, I was really really terrified and afraid at first. But now, I admit I am a little more daring now. Well, at least better than last week. Rome wasn't built in a day.. it all goes back to how TIME will change us :)

To all the other probationary out there.. I hope that eventhough you face many of those offenders who say or do stuff which made your self esteem lowered and confidence shattered, just remember.. Do NOT be afraid :) If FEAR is the one that's clenching you from doing all this.. be brave :)

Just like that,

The walls of my heart,

which once was surrounded with fear,

heard my sudden call.

Fear slowly disintegrate.

And there is none No More.

I stepped out,

Feeling proud and victorious,

Never again will I be shrewed,

I closed my eyes,

And I told myself..

I CAN.

And, I did

Fear.

After all of this is over,

You no longer conquer me.

No longer will you rule me.

I set the rules now.

I MAKE the decisions.

Fear.

Leave me alone.

I'm doing what's right.

If you can't except that.

Just leave.

I mustered a smile,

Because I know,

I feel good,

I feel awesome,

And my fears are dying away slowly.

I know,

I CAN do it :)

and I will

I'll never let you down. Not after what you have done for me. I won't do that to you. I promise :)

PROBATION x.x

2010-04-29T06:32:00.000-07:00

LIFE is hard. No one said it was going to be easy

TECHNICALLY.. today is actually Day 2 for me as probationary.. xD

Well, I'm glad that I was chosen for the department I applied for, which is counselling department. My hands were shaking and trembling as they announced which department will we belong to. When they mentioned my name, I felt my heart skipped a beat -.- too excited and nervous. Plus, that day directly, I went for duty during recess. It was fun, but having to catch others who are not following the school rules is the biggest challenge.

Walking around your OWN classes .. it's a little bit.. weird. Especially friends you know will try to make all sort of offensive acts in front of you to make you look bad ( RAWR ) -.- Today I patrolled at canteen. AND, according to my department leaders, the canteen duty is said to be the most HECTIC and the BEST place to take down names. Oh whoope, lucky me -.- I get to follow my senior along with Micheal to take care the back section of the canteen. ( which is also known as the DANGER ZONE by the leaders ). GOSH, these people are like.. EVERYWHERE. And eventhough I myself go in and out of canteen constantly, I never noticed from the probationary side of view.. these people are like. .. IN and OUT all the time. And it's soo difficult to catch people with ankle socks, name tags.. you know how they can just HIDE and WALK away real fast? -.-

Afraid? YES. VERY. :'( WHY?

Afraid of facing THAT sort of people. yeah, you know what I mean right? xD THAT sort of people. They're EVERYWHERE -.- and.. to be honest, eventho you can consider I myself as one of their TYPE.. but come on, let's get real shall we? you can easily differentiate me from the others pretty darn well. Even during Choral Speaking Competition, all the other school's first glance on us was like " OMG! ALL CHINESE! " doesn't that make me one too? *teehee!* Oh well, I'm still afraid to approach them, and still can't find the inner confidence to face them, tell them what to do, and how to earn their respect.

WOW.. this whole post made it sound like its a report itself. :) xD

oh well.. lucky thing I'm not going on duty tomorrow recess. :) I'm free till tuesday -.- I still don't get it though, why is that our department duty 3 times a week while the rest only has 2? hmm.. this is a Mystery yet to be discovered.

" THIS command I am giving to you is not too difficult for you to understand, and it is not beyond your reach "

Love and Hugs :)

2010-04-26T06:25:00.000-07:00

Beyond the glistering sun light,

I sat down beside you.

Gazing upon the glorious view,

you hold me tight,

never letting me go.

Every step I take,

Every step I embrace,

you were there to ensure that I don't fall.

Thou I may have slipped a few steps,

your arms are wide open,

ready to catch me as I fall.

Holding your hands,

made me felt like we were one.

A beautiful bond created between us,

nothing else can pull us apart.

Everytime I look in those eyes,

I see someone more than I love,

but someone I truly cared.

I want you to hold me tight,

and never let me go.

L is for the way you looked at me,

O is for the only one you see,

V is very, very extraordinary..

E is even more than anyone can adore.

Love is all that I can give to you,

Love is more than just a game for two.

Two in love can make it,

Take my heart,

but please don't break it.

Love,

was meant for me and you.

As time dies away,

incoherence popped up.

Something doesn't seemed right.

Was it something I said?

Was it something I did?

Please forgive me.

You stopped calling.

You stopped messaging.

You stopped everything.

No more hugs.

No more kisses?

What happened?

You looked at me in the eye,

held my hands tight ..

I thought we were back together again.

But then, I was wrong.

You shook your head,

let go of your grasp,

and said goodbye.

The wound that you left in my heart,

the scar that you've left behind.

The tears that are moist in my eyes,

won't stop overflowing.

My heart aches everytime I see you,

stops everytime I think about you.

I just don't know how to move on.

Hugs,

are all I need.

They are fat-free,

cholestrol free.

Not to mention, disease free.

Plus, they are free. :)

Hugs.

Heals everything.

You don't have to say anything.

But your embrace,

means everything.

Hugs.

It's always sincere.

It comes from your heart.

It doesn't matter who it comes from,

but hugs,

they're just wonderful.

Hugs,

everyone loves them.

So when you see your friends are hurt,

don't forget,

to give them a hug :)

by Mallory

This poem is dedicated to my friends :) Recently, there has been a lot of relationship issues going about, so I thought of writing this for them. Remember, God made men and women. Even before they were born, God has already chosen who the " perfect man/ perfect woman " for us. So, it's okay if we were misguided along the way. But remember, you still have friends like us who will help you back on the right path.. :)

Remember. Your "perfect man/perfect woman " is out there, don't make the wrong decision in life. You may never know, that this " person of your dreams " maybe someone who you've known for a long time? or will meet in the future :) It all goes back to God, and how fate will bring us together.. as one :)

LONG week :(

2010-04-24T01:37:00.000-07:00

This week has been a pretty long week for me :( it's like.. never ending. I was so hoping and SO looking forward to the weekends :) Plus, there was supposed to be school replacements today, but there isn't.. so there's one good reason to sleep late at night and a very very reasonable reason to wake up late in the morning too :)

I'm totally exhausted. I can't even think. I can't even breathe normally now. It's like this whole " hectic " life of mine has taken over my mind! My brain is always tired. I can't think straight. Whatever I say or do, it's not even processed from my brain. Constantly, I've been going home at 9 pm. Above all these ranting of mine, I pity my mum the most. Had to face the challenges in her works, the mean people she faces, and constantly sending us to and fro from tuition and from home is also something not everyone can do :( Mum is exhausted too. :( Haiz, aren't we all feeling the same?

Semesters are around the corner! I feel like chewing anything I see ( including you ) especially when I suffer from major brain damage. Physics is driving me crazy so is add maths. Modern maths is making me knocking my head on the wall.. It doesn't even make sense! Even add maths has more sense that Modern maths! -.- SJ and Bio.. nothing I can rant about, that is something more like I have to accept more than deny. :(

Piano exams are coming soon. And the thing that is driving me crazy is.. I don't know WHEN it is! Everyone in my family are like so excited during June hols! 3 weeks dude! and I ain't going stay and rot at home, it's time for an adventure. Parent's are still yet indecisive. Can't decided where to go, and what to do. Grr.. Piano exam is the main obstacle above all. Piano exam is set in between the month of June and August.. so it's somewhere in between.. Grr.. I so want to go on a friggin holiday. I'm sick of staying at home all the time.. and I need to breathe some new fresh air instead of the stale ones here which I breathe in everyday. -.- It's time to explore the world ( I hope )

My timetable is seriously in a mess. ( not to mention my room, books all over. ) The stupid sports thing is seriously starting to annoy me. Dimerit? please. I have heard better threats than those. But still, a " goody-two-shoes" like me will sure follow whatsoever the school want me to do. I don't want a friggin dimerit and I don't want to be caned. ( I rather be caned than dimerit xD) Plus, this is so NOT FAIR! They are forcing us into sports! I mean, come on! the generation of Chung Hua into sports are like .. so little? and forcing almost everybody into sports.. that's just terrible. Worst, no one cares. Everyone seemed to be .. playing along? let the puppet master control your every single actions? -.- Oh wth, it's only 1 more practice before the big game.. how bad can it be? -.- ( terribly bad i guess )

I have tonnes of books have yet to be read! PS I Love You is a GOOD book! Recommended by me! It's a lovely romantic story! :) too bad I can't read it yet, still preparing for semesters. :( Lately, seeing some of my friends at boarding somehow made me jealous. -.- They don't get to study the crappy subjects we do, but there's also a bad thing about it :( whatever it is, what we have, we just go on with it :( nothing much we can do until uni. :)

Gosh, I'm gonna look invisible in the night a few weeks from now. Better save my skin while I still can :(

All of a sudden, I felt hyper -.-

PEOPLE I SEE IN SCHOOL ....

2010-04-21T01:01:00.000-07:00

Ok, let's be frank shall we? Childish people. Seen one before? I definitely do. Every single day at school -.- I know as Catholics we're not suppose to hold grudges and hatred towards people, but here I'm just going to hear myself out.

Sometimes, I wish I brought along a video camera.. or a video phone to record whatsoever attitudes you have inside of you, seriously, what is your problem? I just don't understand people. Childish? well, who isn't especially during times when you're about to be all GROWN up and going to miss the olden days? well, that's ok. BUT.. this sort of childish, it's a little.. how would I put it.. irritating.

As minor as it can be, it all started with an assignment. BM teacher gave us this assignment and my group has decided to came up with a drama. :) which is going to be TOTALLY awesome :) *can't wait * Then, all we need left is a beautiful ending to the script. We were juicing up our brains with some juicy ideas, but nothing seemed to be coming out. But, he came up with TONNES of IDEA.. but to us it JUST doesn't seem SUITABLE.. and we rejected it. WOW. YOU should have seen the look on his face, his face went all red, and I could feel his skin BURNING from the inside of him.. I so felt like throwing a pail of water at his face and make him wake up. -.-

Then, as usual, I would confront him and resolve this.. * peacemaker face * xD Then, he said some rated stuff.. ( like I never heard of that before ) Then, he went all insane and started complaining stuff like " You guys had NO idea, so I said some to help you out " then I went " your idea wasn't suitable.. so we rejected it " then he went all crazy and started saying some rated stuff ( again ) and rude words.. ( yeah, almost everyday) which I don't know why it actually pisses me off! I mean, what the heck is wrong with him? can't take simple rejection? I'd like to see the next time when his girlfriend rejects him.. It just made the whole group so MAD and PISSED. I have no idea why am I even gambling the fact that somehow I will manage to tell this guy to actually accept it in a positive way? because NORMALLY on others, I succeeded .. but maybe this time round, I didn't. :( The last thing I told him was " SHUT UP! " I just simply don't want to hear another word from his mouth.. then stormed off, went off and cried .. I just can't stand the fact that.. You're 16! for goodness sake! plus this is a GUY we're talking about.. and GUYS shouldn't be acting this way.. uncivilized creature!

I remembered last time, he said stuff like " OH GOSH YOU GUYS ARE SO DAMN CHILDISH! " then I muttered to myself saying " EARTH TO ------------ YOU ARE ONe TOOO! " problem is.. I said that OUT LOUD.. ( oopsy ) so yeah.. then he went DENIAL ( always ) and said " NAH! I'M A MATURE ADULT! " ( yeah right.. i heard you say that for the past 100 years ) GOODNESS SAKE! I just still cannot believe this.. going to be 16 and you still can't take simple rejections? I'd like to see how many jobs you'll lose if you do THAT when you go out to work.

Note to self.. Never ever argue with uncivilized people.. what do you gain actually? beside high blood and increasing of heart rate? you get NOTHING actually.. so yeah.. I forgive you for WHAT YOU SAID! and WHAT YOU SAID!! .. I just hope that somehow God will change you for the better in the future :)

When in Rome

2010-04-19T01:26:00.000-07:00

Well, just like the smarties.. they may all come in different colours.. but amongst all.. I know .. which one is you... :)

On saturday, I went out with my buds :) The guys wanted to watch Clash of the Titans.. but then somehow.. majority was girls.. we WON! we watched When In Rome instead :) which was very sweet :) and us girls was like " awwwwww... " throughout the movie :) it's a romantic comedy and dudes out there, if you're bringing your girlfriends on a date.. watch this.. highly recommended :) well dudes, better luck next time.. :) Clash of the Titans.. was.. seriously just too much action for me.. -.- and besides.. it's high time the girls get something they want in return :)

Well this is the movie poster .. isn't she pretty? xD well she IS xD especially that blue eyes and that pure blonde hair of hers.. D: PLUS that guy with her.. is like very very handsome :) plus, he has an Italian Accent .. cool eh? you don't find a lot of dudes like that anymore ;/

I'm not going to spoil the whole show by telling you what's it bout.. wanna know more.. just go watch it.. it's still available in cinemas :)

gah... talking about cinemas.. i SOOO Soo miss GCS in KL... :( the seats there are cushioned! plus .. their security is really really strict! and they won't let you bring any unecessary stuff in it.. trust me.. that cinema is like an entertainment something which you will remember for the rest of your lives :) I wanna watch Toy Story in 3D tho .. :) it's cute and adorable .. after 10 years.. they have finally decided to make a 3rd movie.. how cool is that xD

Oh well.. so far.. monday didn't turn out to be.. Doom day.. well.. that's more probably because I'd be dead in 24 hours due to SJ topical tests.. -.- somehow.. all those confusions I had.. all this while.. were gone :) and it feels good to be ME again .. myself!

MAY 1st.. are you ready? xD I SuRe AM!

2010-04-16T00:13:00.000-07:00

Literally, I'm confused :/

I have weird moods lately.. and this has happened to me.. for like.. A LONG TIME -.- for a second, I felt .. jealousy? then anger? then the happy-go-lucky mood? ok, seriously even I don't know what's wrong with me. My mind is buzzing.. full of .. confusion? and I can barely see where this is going. It's like there are SO MANY U turns going about.. and I just feel like screaming.. I don't like this feeling.. this CONFUSED feeling. GOSH MY HEAD HURTS!

Love? Hatred? Jealously? I seriously have no idea what's going on! definitely not Love .. but hatred and jealously? eh... *blank face *

Well, just for you all to know, I have taken up prefectorial board :) well, since cs state is confirmed 200% a no go.. then I'm not going to waste the remains of my life in Chung Hua to EAT. SLEEP. STUDY. HOMEWORK. I mean... the sense of adventure isn't there! Life is a climb.. sometimes you get it.. sometimes you don't .. :) well, to me stress pushes me forward to study and I believe this is a challenge most of us will reconsider twice before applying. Believe me, you don't know how LONG have I reconsidered this.

Sometimes, I do wonder. Is there something wrong with me? What are the odds about me not like anybody else? I know now that I'm the " odd one out" but you can also put it in a positive way the " special one " Have you ever not reconsidered the fact how I managed to get over it? How I spent endless days being miserable the whole time everytime you say that? This is me. If you can't accept it. Get Lost. I felt pretty stupid really, to change myself to be like others. I mean, what was I thinking? peer pressure is something not everyone CAN see with their naked eyes.. but somehow it manages to influence us starting from the roots of our souls. Well, I'm not going to change what's inside of me.. but on the outside.. :) saving it for a special day.. ever since I was a little girl, I have been looking forward to this special day..

Looking in the mirror.. I see someone who is trying to escape from the world.. locking the world behind my mind.. never to even peep at the windows. Burying my face deep in my hands, sitting down in the corner of a room.. yeah.

Well, let's face it. Criticism comes and goes in our lives. But hey? let's just be optimistic here. You are who you are. People love you for who the way you are.. but NOT by who you aren't. Yes, the term inner beauty is the one that counts is true.. but somehow.. when you face situations like this.. it doesn't work ALL the time. God is very fair. He created us in his own image and likeness.. and everyone is imperfect.. EVERYONE has a weakness to bear. EVERYONE learns to overcome their weaknesses and enjoy life the way it is suppose to be. :)

Why is it so hard for me to fathom out? Everytime, I wonder.. who is winning? Pure?? or Temptation in my heart?

2010-04-14T03:05:00.000-07:00

When you feel like everything is complete ..

you see the whole world ahead of you..

you see everything that you could achieve in the time to come..

and all that ..

could be ruined..

and crushed..

by saying..

STATE LEVEL IS A NO GO!

yeah yea.. I know.. it happened for almost like a WEEK ago.. -.- but then still.. how can one not be heartbroken when one's script when to interschool level and got best script award and can't even show it off in state? -.-

All of a sudden.. my mind slowly imagines what it will be like if we actually had state.. fun bus rides... bathroom frenzies! shopping spree! that tension feeling.. -.- oh well.. all I can say that it's not going to happen... :( Just like that.. poof..

Tears.

1% water, 99% feelings

Gosh.. I hate to see my cs kids cry like that.. you know how heartbreaking is it? They have done SO SO well this year.. and it all ends .. * poof* just like that -.- how sickening is that? I really hate to see it especially when the new students ( form 1 ) cry like that.. they devoted so much.. so much talent .. so much enthusiasm.. so much of everything! and POOF.. GONE. Plus.. one of them even emailed me saying that he'll miss us form 4's .. and he thanked me through the email.. If you're a human.. you'd cry.. if you're not.. you're an alien.

Well.. it's hard for me to get over this..

Plus.. it's unfair..

yeah.. life IS unfair..

but somehow in the eyes of God..

He knows who is right.. and wrong.

Well then.. that's that then. Nothing else. No more state.. I guess that we just have to wait again next year :)

STAY PURE! STAY STRONG!

blast from the past

2010-04-12T07:14:00.000-07:00

Wow.. out of nowhere I got bored then I youtubed SMK Chung Hua, Miri... Directly.. I found THIS ( look at bottom)

Brings back soo much sweet memories!! xDD can anyone find me? xD

HELP

2010-04-11T02:26:00.000-07:00

To be? or Not to be?

that's the question that kept on buzzing about in my mind..

well... this is like a LIFE-LONG crisis.. so better think this out THOROUGHLY.... :'(

I'm still reconsidering the fact whether or not to be a prefect.. but somehow my intuition and conscience is telling me that somehow I will be?

Cs state level is confirm a NO go.. its really sad and heartbreaking day for me.. I can't believe my script won't be shown at state level.. GAH! this is so damn sickening ! that's the whole thing why I'm reconsidering prefectorial board ... if Cs has state level.. I automatically put down my responsibility and decision to be prefect.. but since there isn't.. I would want to reconsider.. Hey, form 4 comes once in a life time.. you don't get to live it again.. do you? so yeah.. I don't want the rest of my form 4 life will be like.. STUDY. TUITION.EAT. SLEEP. I mean.. come on! life gotta have some varieties.. plus.. you don't get to be 16 all the time... :(

to all those seniors out there or anyone.. can anyone please explain to me what all the department does? because I'm thinking of applying .... then if all turns out well.. I'm in.. if not.. then forget about it... But NO WAY am I going to apply .. become one and quit..no no no .. I am not a quitter.. xD

but then.. as I reflect back.. stress pushes me forward.. and I'm wondering.. still.. am I cut out for all this ? seriously?

HELP!

2010-04-06T07:39:00.000-07:00

You know what's the one thing about sweet memories?

It's that one day when you grow up, you finally had something to strike a conversation with that someone.

You know one thing about intensity?

Well, it varies from different people. Calm people may take it cool and calmly by listening to music, watching a movie etc.. But, whereas those people who are high.. in almost EVERY time.. well, either they end up like that ( picture above ) or they just.. die. But most of the time, they end up like that ( picture above )

You know what else that makes intensity worse?

The beating of your heart. Some people just can't take intensity calmly.. and you can hear a slight explosion rupturing inside of you. Well, if you want me to explain this to you Biologically.. ( I'm not gonna bore you .. too much ) *clear throat* Heart starts to throb and is picking up speed. Heart pumps blood in and out simultaneously causing your breathing rate to increase which resulted in sweat dripping down your cheek. Yeah, its plain fact. LEARN IT xD All I can tell you is, Breath in .. Breath out. Otherwise, just scream your soul out.

You know what's the sweetest thing about success?

Well, success just don't come from trees. Neither do they fall from skies. It's plain hard work and putting all your trust towards God ( quoted from Bieber. .. which is TRUE! ) It's just sweet victory to finally come to realize that after all that hard work.. it just pays off.. we didnt waste a minute practicing :)

Well, CS members. You know what I'm saying here.. ( that is if you're reading it -.- ) My prayers are with you everyday .. and I will never stop losing faith towards you.. No matter we win or lose.. we will leave the hall with our heads held high.. :) well, let's put this in a positive manner.. WE WILL WIN ! xD keep that in mind, and never let that chung hua spirit in you die off :)

You have my 150% dedication.. Forever and Always

Good Friday. Easter Vigil. CS!

2010-04-03T00:42:00.000-07:00

This weekend is definitely considered to be a sacred week for us Christians :) Yesterday was Good Friday. After witnessing and standing in front of the giant crucifix of Jesus, my heart just won't stop aching. Of all the people to be murdered and tortured.. why him? His innocence is written all over him, but still, why torment him? but when he God could just torment us instead? God, you love us so much. Even a speck of sin is an eye sore to you, but you still love us, and welcome us always. I remembered last year, when I went for Easter camp, we watched the Passion of Christ. That movie left me in tears, seriously.. nobody can stand seeing someone been bashed up.. after been tormented, he doesn't look anything like a human.. he's been tortured like an animal.. how can people do this to him?

After facing all this, after soo many centuries.. yet, we humans still live our stubborn ways, continue to sin and fall for the devil's temptation.. But yet, God is still there with us, just waiting for us to open the door of our hearts to welcome him in. Unfortunately, most people ignored him.. but yet, God still loved us.. no matter what happens, he will be there and ready to forgive us our sins.. and bring light and life everywhere.

Later, Easter Vigil Mass at 7pm. I still remembered last time someone tagged me at facebook with the movie tittle as " Devil's Plan ".. After having to watch at movies.. I can't believe what the world has done to fool us all. Easter Bunny.. sounds familiar? -.- Well, believe it or not, that's one of Satan's plan. He wants the followers of Christ to believe that there is this bunny, so that you will be distracted away from the fathom of Easter. Well, Ian is going to be baptised tonight!!! xDD I'm so proud and happy for him :))) Finally, after all these years of waiting, it's all going to happen... TONIGHT! XDDDDDDDD By tomorrow, he'll be added into our BIG CATHOLIC family :) Can't wait :)

Competition is like.. a few days away.....

I'm so so damn worried about these people..

I just wished that somehow, I have this magical touch..

That could make this all go away..

I can't predict the future..

Nor can I tell who the true winner will be..

The one who judges all this..

goes back in to the hands of God :)

Believe. Hope. Faith. Confidence. Strength. Wisdom.

Are the only things that I can hold on to,

while I still can

2010-03-27T01:53:00.000-07:00

In the long run,

When we fall,

We get up,

And try again.

When things seemed difficult,

We tend to lose hope and faith,

We give in easily.

But hope has its way of coming back,

We get up,

And try again.

On times when situations seemed impossible,

Our emotions are easily crushed,

We feel the whole world closing in.

But God knocks on the door of my heart,

I opened it,

Allowing him to enter.

He pulls me up,

And I tried again.

I wanted to believe,

That miracles do happen.

But miracles don't happen,

It starts with you.

Life isn't just about how to face the thunderstorms,

but it's also about how you dance in the rain.

Don't stop believing, because I have never stopped believing in you :)

You made me believe, when I never believed in you.

Don't give up, for I have not given up on you.

You pushed me forward, when I started to give up.

I couldn't have made it..

But you proven me wrong.

And by that,

I thank you.

:)

2010-03-24T06:04:00.000-07:00

So far after 15 years...

I still can't fly -.-

Not going to write much today... nothing happened in school.. except for the fact I was starring at the ceiling for 6 whole hours at school. :)

School reopens

2010-03-21T06:01:00.000-07:00

Haiz.. I still remembered the week when I was still having exam.. my table or might as well put it as ROOM was a TOTAL mess -.- Mum won't stop yelling at me to clean up my room. I don't know about you guys though, but everytime I clean up my room, the thing/ object I was suppose to look for .. disappeared. Weird. After putting all my stuff away .. then I can't find the stuff I need to use -.- that's the whole thing I hate about cleaning up my room. But .. now, my room is neat :) and it wasn't as bad as during exam week :) Another thing I hate most besides cleaning up? spring cleaning -.- I REALLY REALLY HATE IT -.- As if it aint bad enough that my nose is highly sensitive, and you're asking me to expose my nose to dust.. which I can't stand and will make me sneeze like mad -.- that's why I hated to go on duty in class, normally I just do what most people do, don't sweep :P

Well, schools reopening. How do you all feel? Excited? Nervous? Happy? Sad? .. whatever it is.. I felt like digging up a hole and hide my face there. One thing about school reopening ... you gotta wake up early.. :( damn.. I hate waking up early. And, excited to see my friends :) Bought my friends some souvenirs from my trip to KL. Guys, don't be jealous or disappointed... cause.. I don't know how to shop for guy stuff -.- seriously.. and everytime I look at that item.. I will be wondering " do guys like stuff like these? " and " is it too girly for them ? " -.- but I got you all Alice in Wonderland Bookmarks :) Anyway, back to school reopening .. I don't wanna look at my test papers tomorrow.. knowing that I'll do badly.. D: GOD SAVE ME! >.

CS competition is also coming soon.. :( I'm so darn nervous and so damn mad at the same time -.- don't go asking me why.. wanna know just ask me personally. If i was there during the holidays .. you guys probably be dead.. literally.. count your blessings that I'm not around.

I'm hook with Justin Bieber! I LOVE HIS SONGS! especially in his second album.. " baby " everytime I listen to that song, I felt like crying.. xD I don't mean to exaggerate.. but YES I LOVE YOU JB! xDD goodbye logan lerman :P I bought his album at KL .. then quickly called sylvia whether she wants them or not.. :) bet she can't wait to have it :)

oh well, decided to ditch the books early.. and go to sleep... NIGHT! :)

Weird.

2010-03-20T05:04:00.000-07:00

Last night, I had this dream. A very weird dream. Don't go asking why. It just happened in my mind while I was asleep. It seemed so REAL. I find it a little.. disturbing? too weird to be true. The weirdest of all the weirdism I had .. so far.

I can't fully remember how it began, but I know it was at school. As in, our class, 4s2. Then, this guy, who seemed familiar .. started walking in, with a stash of pink letters, dumped it all on my desk. I was FURIOUS ( and I didn't know why ) and was like telling him off like " what gives? what's with all the pink letters?" Then he started telling me like " he doesn't love you anymore! no more! no more! " then I went all blank.. O.O? who doesn't love me? and why is he going bombastic telling me something which I don't know about and what's with the pink letters? and I have no idea why I started crying.

Moving on, Mitch.. was in the dream too. He won't stop asking me science facts. Like, what does pneumonia means, and what does it do to you.. and what is bronchitis, and what is cataracts, and catalysis.. surprisingly, in my dream, I know each of these things. O.O He was so freakingly WEIRD. Surprisingly, in my dream, I didn't respond like that. He asked and asked and asked.. but I just answered and answered.. -.-?

Then, Shirley Yip. I didn't understand how she got there, but she's there all right :) She was having her chinese exam.. they were suppose to write caligraphy. Then somehow she ran out of ink, then she wanted some more but got caught of cheating. The teacher sent her out of class. Then the freakishly part comes, she held her towel onto her nose ( like always ) and started crying. Her cry was like some sort of dragon cry -.- I don't really know how to describe it though. It was like dragon shrieking all the way, freaky.

Later, Sylvia. She was asking me maths question. I told her all the things she needs to know. But then, she started to write some sort of ... symbols.. which are unrelated to maths O.O and that look on her face was VERY freaky. It's like, eyes wide, her pen on her hands writing vigorously on her paper. I didn't like it one bit, scary. In my dream, I was... like.. " what are you drawing?" and she went all like " .... "

Let me see.. OH YEAH! GAHS! he was in there.. oh yeah, in my dream, our school actually had elevators... cool huh? but the weird part was, GAHS, me, calvin, mitch were in there.. then we were all in uniform carrying our books. GAHS was wearing PINK long pants! with strawberry printings all OVER it. In my dream, I didn't really respond to his pink long pants. He said to me " MALLO! is it RIPE out there?" and I went BLANK. completely. What did he meant by RIPE? and what's with the pink pants?! -.-'' then he started rubbing his butt onto the elevator wall -.-'''''' OK. WEIRD. COMPLETELY. Then he started giggling. -.- ( like always)

ER, who else, there were quite a number of people in my dream, and the dream was like.. cutting off here and there.. paste here and there.. so I'm a little confuzzled myself. :) YeAH! NIC WAS THERE TOO! I saw her skating about in the hall. Skate. As in.. she ACTUALLY skated across the hall as if there was ice there. I was walking towards here, then she stopped me. shocked, she just told me stay there and remain there and to not MOVE an inch. She continued skating.. skating.. and skate.. then I decided to disobey her and walk towards her eventhough she stopped me. I walked towards her and grabbed her arm but then she just vanished. Just like that in mid air. Weird huh?

OK, enough of freaking you all out. So, weird dream huh? I suppose that this isn't the kind of dream you all normally dream... right? :) well, weirdness has a way of blending in to my personality. :)

A crying heart

2010-03-12T07:50:00.000-08:00

Do you know?

How does it feel?

to be somewhere..

but you simply can't?

Do you know?

that it's hard for me?

to just let go of you like that?

Do you know?

my heart is still beating?

eventhough I'm not with you?

Don't you know?

I never feel at ease?

When I'm needed?

but can't be there?

Don't you know?

that you are a part of me?

You're everything to me?

Nothing in the world means to me more than you do.

Don't you know?

That I spent every single day,

observing you,

thinking what might be the best for you,

and hoping it'll be useful to you.

Didn't you know?

that my heart is always beating for you?

that my mind won't stop thinking about you?
my heart aches all the time?

thinking that every moment that I should have been with you,

but I just simply can't.

Don't you know?

that I put so much faith on you?

so much trust in you?

so much HOPE?

Don't you know?

that my fingers tremble?

legs go sore?

body shakes uncontrollably?

just by thinking of you?

Didn't you know?

that my mind has nothing but you?

worrying over and over again?

helplessly drowned in worrying over you.

Don't you know?

that this feeling is eating me alive?

day by day?

just not knowing what will happen tomorrow?

Little will you know,

I'll wait by the side of my phone,

waiting for you to tell me,

that there's still hope

Hope,

is all I need now.

Hope,

please don't leave me!

Hope,

something I can cling on to,

when I fall.

You're everything to me.

You're everything that I care about.

You're everything that I've sacrificed for.

So please I beg you,

to do your best,

it's now or never,

do the best while you still can.

I know I shouldn't be going,

but I had to.

Please please please

be good,

stay strong,

stay confident,

stay positive,

never stop believing,

stay PURE :)

CS members, you guys are everything to me. I couldn't have made it this far without you. Little did you know, the strength and confidence in you all, has pushed me to the max to never stop believing in you. Your courage, determination has proven to me that hope and faith is still there, waiting in open arms for us. Guys, please don't give up. You're almost there :) believe in yourself. I know that you can make it without me.

I know that nothing is impossible.

I pray to God,

to be with you all,

the grant you the strength and confidence,

and to have special ideas for CS.

I pray that you all will improve,

and open up your hearts as you learn new things.

I pray for the leaders leading without me,

I pray that God will shine the light on them,

guiding them each and everday,

teaching you all properly.

Don;t stop believing, because I have never stopped believing in you :)

You made me believe, when I never believed in you.

Don't give up, for I have not given up on you.

You pushed me forward, when I started to give up.

You are the reason why we had made it this far. So my beloved, JIA YOU! xD

I LOVE YOU :)

Exams. Bubbles. Crap

2010-03-05T07:16:00.000-08:00

yeah.. felt like saying THAT towards my BM paper. -.-

but no worries, I watch my language everytime :P

seriously, what in the world are those crappy meanings?

it's like another another language originated from outer space -.-

don't mind me saying that, but that's how i treated it.

well, gotta learn to love to love it sooner or later -.-

gah you freaking BM.. why won't you love me!? xD

siviks paper was also a little crappy, i copied most of the answers from the objective section. Not sure whether or not is it qualified to be given marks. xD oh well, the past is the past now, and I shouldn't be worrying over it. EXCEPT BM! :'( darn. I never thought I'd come across to this day, but YES! I ADMIT! Sejarah is WAY WAY WAY WAY WAY WAY WAY WAY WAY EASIER than BM.. call me stupid or crazy or anything you like, but I'd prefer history than BM. xD

Oh Lord God,

please be with me throughout the exam.

Guide me Lord.

Shine your light on me.

Send your guardian angels to be with me,

and grant me wisdom, confidence and strength,

so that I would be able to get good results in my exam.

To you Lord,

nothing is impossible,

and I believe that,

everything can be done in your hands.

So I pray to you Lord,

that you'd be with me

and open my heart and mind

as I sit for this exam.

well, I don't mean to exaggerate.. but that's how books are treating me nowadays. Back then during PMR.. books are dead, and they were never meant to eat you up alive. But NOW, books DO come to life. and some certain special books, would eat you up, chew your brains, drink your blood, suck your eyeballs, use your intestines as skipping ropes... ok, i think i better stop here. The whole "exam craze" has made my mind gone all..crazy.. and nothing has been going on right about me ever since -.-

speaking about going insane...

well guys, it's official, I LOVE YOU! xD forever and always.. I think mainly this applies specially to Joshua, especially due to his wacky-ness. His wacky-ness made me felt the stress level on me decreased way beyond zero level :) thanks a lot :) and also jia chyi, her sarcasm .. it helps too :) To me, laughter is always the best way to help unleash all the inner burden and battle within me. Otherwise, I'd be someone who'd go EMO all day and just.. be emo -.- I was emo a lot before, but then when I came to realize how stupid and ridiculous I was to be emo just because of a random issue, I got over it :) Well, back then, I, myself admitted that I was a little bit childish.. oh what the heck.. I'm still childish, I can never get over this attitude of myself. Basically, much influenced by younger siblings. They can like make you go crazy and do anything to irritate or annoy you, which makes you really really pissed that you'd just feel like tickling them real hard on their bellies. Well, sibling love :) you gotta love that :)

Back then, everything seemed daze.. and I was really blinded by the true meaning of life. Everytime, I looked into a mirror and saw myself, uhh.. just another ordinary day, just another emo look, just another stupid freaking day. =.= I was so blinded and influenced so by my peers that I was blinded by the true meaning of life. I kept thinking that back then life was only about sadness, tears.. blablabla.. but basically I thought life was like that back then because not a lot of people understand how I feel. Do you like being called fat all the time? I mean, there's no use for me to explain .. as you guys always judge the book by its cover -.- Dude, I know I appear to be large in size because I always drink milk ALL THE TIME. =.= it's my high bone density that made me look heavier on the weighing machine. SHEESH =.= I know that you guys were just saying it for fun, and it's ok sometimes. But at times when it goes over a certain boundary, I can't take it. Seriously. I may look like I'm happy. But deep down, I'm a little disturbed and hurt. And I'm not saying this just to unleash my inner feelings, but I know very damn well that this applies to everyone. :)

BUBBLES!

I love bubbles. Well, go ahead, call me a kid :P because I DONT CARE! xD

I just blew one bottle of my brother's soap bubble, and he got REAL PISSED at me xD

I can never get tired of bubbles. I love them so much!

reminds me a lot of my childhood.

I'd always persuade my parents to buy me these bubble soaps and I'd go crazy over them just by blowing them.

Facing the wind,

feeling the wind brushing against my cheeks,

against my locks,

the bubble floats away,

high in the air..

before it pops..

in mid air :)

Bubbles made me think of all sorts of things. Like when I was young, I always dreamed of marrying a bubble king. XD! I know that he would build me a bubble palace, bubble cars and everything in bubbles! It's like so cool, and i actually remembered i had a picture being drew out somewhere around the house. I can still picture everything and how I drew it. Since young, I always believed that bubbles are like magical kingdoms. Everytime I blew out a bubble, I believed that there are tiny people living in them ( TOO MUCH INFLUENCE FROM DR SEUSS LAST TIME! ) So, I'd try to save the bubbles before landing towards the surface of the ground. BUBBLES!

Now, my siblings have taken up the interest to blow bubbles. At age 15-16, I think people would find it weird if a 15-16 year old teenager finds blowing bubbles a hobby. ( SPONGEBOB! ) But still, when they're not at home, their soap bubbles ran out real fast, because I used them to blow BIG HUGE BUBBLES.

BUBBLES

A round sphere.

Fragile.

Brittle.

Frail.

Oh sweet little bubble,

don't you ever pop.

I love the way,

you float in mid air,

dancing around against the wind,

your uniqueness,

made me love you so.

Different sizes,

Different colours,

signifies every single moment of my childhood,

I spent together with you.

No matter what happens,

you shall be a part of my life.

I'll remember every precious second I had with you.

Sweet little bubble

Never float away from my mind :)

OK TIS LATE! BYEBYE! xD

2010-02-26T08:03:00.000-08:00

BOOO!!!!

Did I scare you? xD

oh well, I so LOVE this photo of me above! it's like partially.. i looked a little eurasian.. xD and it's like COOL! i know.. most of you think that this photo of me aint eurasian at all -.- but look!! my HAIR kinda is though..

my hair NOW is blackish brownish.. or something like that.. but this is.. blackish brownish and reddish! :) reddish! xD it's like as if it completed the colour balance of my hair. credits goes to the photographer, SYLVIA! :)

OK, no worries, I ain't going to go dye my hair red.. I mean, that's stupid. who would want to do that? If I'd do something like that, I'd probably look like someone who just got out of the jungle. -.-

Chinese New year visiting was a total blast :) yeah, I know that the houses we went were like.. quite a few, but it's the love and joy you share with each other .. :) ok, -.- seriously, lately I've been talking like a book -.- it's like, most of the sentences blabbed out of my mouth were.. like sentences from BOOKS.. eg: the love and joy you share with each other. -.- OK, literally, that was from my journal book -.- and maybe much influenced cuz im studying for exams. ANYWAY, back to the Chinese New year visiting, we didn't stepped into that many houses compared to the others who also went for visiting, but what the heck? we had more fun !! x) it's like seeing two little whores playing my ps2, screaming, yelling at the top of their voices, laughing hysterically -.- ok, i think i better stop here..

Went to Elaine's, Joshua's and Jessie's house :) FUN most of the time, we were glued to the television watching the nanny! Is she hilarious or WHAT? she has this great sense of humour! x) made me laughed throughout.

Everyone's been busy uploading all the photos, especially a certain someone which i shall not mention and shall remain annoymous. -.- He kept uploading stupid crappy photos of me at the wrong time, like when I was laughing half way... *snapped* and I was eating halfway... * snapped* and I was browsing through the photos... *snapped* to be frank, I don't mind being taken photos, but please.. let's just be rational, you won't want me uploading any silly photos of you don't you? i mean, logically, nobody wants that. -.- I have no idea how in the world he managed to capture those ugly pictures of me without me noticing at all -.- seriuosly! :( Maybe they just can't get enough of me, well, the paparazzi's loves me:) what can I say? a helmet's work just is never done .. x)

TEST TEST TEST TEST TEST!

if only the world would abolish exams.. that will be the day! besides, you're helping to save mother earth too! No exams= save trees... AGREED? definitely. Well, exams are good and all, and I'm not gonna bore you here debating about exams-.- just by talking bout it, i felt my head expand -.- 70 pages of history... that's just crazy! :( well, so far so so.. well, better be prepared for the worst! :'(

THIS TIME! i will do better :) I promise myself.. I WILL! :)

Those who are going to be sitting for their gerak gempur, good luck, and do not fret. it's just gerak gempur and I presumed that everybody's stress level is to the max. Anyways, after this exam, when encountering another, believe me you won't feel that stress as before :) oh well, cherish your form 3 life.. it only happens once a year in your life :)

uh... gotta get back studying.. if you checked the clock, it's 1230 am. and yup.. the insomniac kicks in again...

TATA!

let's just hope i sleep well and dream better today :)

CIAO :*

holidays much? don't think so .. :P

2010-02-19T08:23:00.000-08:00

it's funny .. really..

back when school started..

we all always complained of how we wished the holidays were here.. and how we wished those wacky examinations would just disappear ... -.- and those pilling homework.. gosh they just won't stop. And the agonizing whining teachers, oh well.. gonna tolerate them for a year anyway, makes no difference :( how we wished that the endless holidays are here, where we could just throw our school bags aside.. not touching books, not touching anything related to school.. and darn i think i can't find my name tag and neck tie.. too much of the cny mood.. xD well, that was then..

NOW.. when the holidays are HERE..

the first few days were awesome.. truly .. :) you get to sleep late and wake up late with no one bugging you :) and no one to tell you to wake up and get dress.. and no more of that annoying alarm clock that destroys all my beautiful dreams :) and it's all bout me, myself and I .. and when in my own room.. I'd feel like I'm in my own tiny kingdom :)

well.. that was the first few days.. but after then, things started.. to be boring.. irritated.. boring.. annoying.. boring.. yeah, the same words kept buzzing about my mind.. and literally it's driving me crazy :( I can't believe that I'm saying this.. but I missed school :( totally.. I didn't mean the homeworks and the exams .. but I missed going there.. where you get to meet up with friends.. teachers.. and play ... xD oh well.. we humans just can't be content of what we have can't we?

have been studying lately, surprisingly.. something I'd never imagine myself do especially on a holiday....well, mid terms are like SOON and it left me with no choice.. :( bummer... studied .. but I'm not sure whether all of it went in my mind or not.. but literally.. i think some of it just slipped off.. ya know? too many info.. can give me major brain freeze. I don't mean to brag, but sometimes, that's how it is. :(

CNY was fun :) and tomorrow gonna go visiting with friends :) YAY! xD ought to be fun :) haven't had an outing with my buds for like.. AGES.. :) there's gonna be camwhoring.. LOTS and LOTS of camwhoring with my buds.. definitely :) well, specially cleaned up the place for them :) and hopefully this time it will be truly memorable to them :) I love you guys :)

I'm so HOOKED to Jodi Picoult's " keeping faith " it's like getting interesting and interesting.. and later it just gets.. WAY interesting that you feel that you're practically in the story .. felt that half of myself is reading and the other half just vanished into the story :) that's how interesting it is. this would be my 5th jodi picoult book :) and I'm loving it! :)

Lately, got my emotional all mixed up again. I just hate it though.. when this happens. And practically, I know what you're thinking.. PMS? frustrated? well, believe me it's neither any of it :P it's just .. lots of things are clamoring up my mind.. jamming every system in my body, causing my brain to malfunction a little.. sooner or later, then the insomniac kicks in. D: well, I think that's how form 4 life is to me. I know, holidays right? well, sometimes, you just feel that 24 hours a day just aint enough.. :(

Got really pissed ..

And not that.. " I'M SO MAD AT YOU " kind of pissed..

but that sort of pissed that makes your fist tightens up into a ball, eyes filled with rage, infuriated with anger, the gritting of your teeth, the urge to stab someone real hard at the back, and every muscle in your body tightens and hardens up and your mind only concentrates to nothing but THAT nuisance. Well, lucky me I'm not like that :P FYI, lucky thing I got a blog to express myself, otherwise I'd go around trashing the whole house and yelling about like some maniac who just lost her chicken -.-'' all i could say is, I don't know what he has in mind, and obviously, I DONT WANT to know whats on his mind. You make your own choice. it's not like I didn't invite you. so like YEAH.. that's about it.. >:(

I don't mean to put so much of my anger on my him though.. but it's not like I wanted it to happen this way.. and don't get me started on what happened.. do refer to my previous post " breathe " for further details.. xD

GOD BLESS

and HAPPY CNY

LOVE YA

HAPPY CNY AND BELATED VALENTINES DAY

2010-02-18T07:51:00.000-08:00

HAPPY CHINESE NEW YEAR :) and A HAPPY BELATED VALENTINES DAY ! :)

if you're single and no one is giving you any hugs or kisses on valentines day.. well.. do kindly accept this free HUG of mine :)

*HUG ATTACK ! *

NIX LOVES YOU :)

as history repeats itself :(

2010-02-11T22:28:00.000-08:00

Breathe

I constantly told myself

When I'm over the moon

Clenched with anger

Disappointed

Melancholic

Was all I could do

until everything turned chaotic

If only

you'd figure out.

Are your visions that daze?

Is it so effortful to fathom out?

All these years

I withstand the rigidness

implacableness

incompliantness

No more

Enough.

Breathe

But there's no air

Why is it so problematical for me?

I can't take it no more

NO MORE.

Though it's hard for me to breathe

I'll continue to go forward

You shall not be an obstacle in life

Oh God

Have mercy on us sinners

I pray that one day

He'll realize

and come to figure out

how we truly felt.

Breathe

was all I could do

to flush out all worries

to move on.

Life.. NOW

2010-02-09T23:41:00.000-08:00

Pissed?

Clenched in anger?

Non-stop gritting of my teeth?

I have absolutely no idea what to feel..

Disappointed? - maybe..

Sad? -supposedly..

Angry? - guess so..

Happy?- could be..

Tired?- definitely..

Just feel like I'm kind of in mood confusion..

Things like this get along with me well, and in the other way some other times..

It's amusing .. sometimes.. but when it gets over the boundary.. everything changes..

This week had been kinda rough .. with all the topical exams and everything clamering up my mind...

the fact that chinese new year is next week and the thought of can't go to shopping until friday is making matters worse.. -.- ''

Bought the clothes already, but not pants or shoes yet.. what's new year without a complete new set of clothes?

Every year, I always stumble into people like this .. asking this random question over and over again.. but well, it's no harm done.. you're just curious that's all .. and wanted to know more :P

the question is :" do you celebrate chinese new year? " well, I do .. as a matter of fact.. :) My mum is a chinese.. so I don't see the reason why I'm not celebrating.. :P

Topical tests.. some were awesome, some were terrible and some were.. just .. average.. -.- so far, my overall comment on my performance.. its just OK.. nothing more than that.. Form 4's hectic life is starting to kick in.. and the headache and insomniac i get every day made me felt that I aged 5 years more .... terrible eh? no doubt if I had any wrinkles.. -.- which I hope I won't get any.. So far for topical exams.. I really wanted to thank God for being with me throughout this whole week, I couldn't have made it this far without him.. even if I did made it.. my brain would die .. totally brain dead.. Thank you Lord, for giving me the strength and confidence in my exam so that I could achieve better results and prove to myself and everybody else that form 4 life isn't that difficult to cope with :)

Stress+ tonnes of homework= psycho..

well, it's kinda true though.. believe me... I never faced stress that much when I was only facing PMR.. :P there's this wacky dude sitting in front of me.. who goes all psycho when he has LOTS of stress.. to all those in 4s2.. you know who I'm mentioning .. xD He'll shriek and scream and yell like some wacky dude who just strike lotto -.- everyone was laughing like mad.. and believe me, I laughed till i cried.. his actions are a little bit.. indescribable.. so I'll try to record a video next time :)

I'm proud with the progression :) everyday my burden is well liften up.. not so many things to worry about :) the juniors are my inspiration to make me move forward each and everyday.. though we may not know what God will bring us tomorrow.. their belief and confidence in me .. gave me every good reason to strive till the end, though it's difficult.. the outcome is bliss :) Juniors are better than seniors.. *awkward* Well, no doubt.. these people are trained since young :) kinda proud of them though.. xD make me prouder! xD

Well, enough about the on goings on my life.. As you all could have noticed.. i changed the layout of my blog.. :) what do you think? nice? pretty? beautiful? exquisite? spontaneous? well, your comments are highly appreciated :)

Chinese New year is finally coming.. :) Finally could load off that heavy bag off my shoulders.. relax and wish I could just hibernate like there's no tomorrow :)

Till the next time :)

the caterpillar :)

2010-02-09T05:59:00.001-08:00

this is dedicated ..

FOR YOU..

TO YOU..

forever and always..

A caterpillar lies in his cocoon,

all warm and snuggled up in a corner..

wondering all by himself..

when will the right time be for him ?

to break free of the tiny space surrounding him..

all lonely.. and miserable..

hearing the rhythm of the river ..

flowing down the hill..

pitter, patter.. pitter.. patter..

what a lovely sound to all ears...

the sound that brings peace and tranquility..

towards the core of your heart...

The warm sun..

what a lovely sight indeed..

standing proudly..

emmitting it's bright and shining light down on earth..

covering the silhouette of stars behind it's bright light..

and darkness shrieks..

slowly dying away..

The night sky...

it reaps across the valley..

the sun slowly descended beneath the hills ..

washing the whole landscape abruptly ..

and stars started to silhouette against the night sky..

with the moon trailing far behind..

what a pretty sight for all eyes to see..

sprakly .. shinning stars..

how I wish you could shine my life ..

A leaf..

it's not PINK..

it's not RED..

it's green..

the colour of nature..

Admist of all the hardships of nature..

the leaf stays strong..

protecting the cocoon beneath it..

against all evil of nature ..

As the sun rises..

the rain stops pouring..

the trees started to spread out it's branches..

birds start chirping..

welcoming the bright sun..

the caterpillar in the cocoon had enough..

"it's time" he muttered..

he wiggled and waggled out the cocoon,

but the cocoon remains strong..

holding him back..

with every last bit of energy in him..

he pushes against the cocoon..

and finally bursts out of it..

showing off his new wings..

proudly.. and fluttered away..

where he'll begin a new life ...

in HOPE

My dear friend..

it's not about how anyone think of you..

it's about how you think of yourself. :)

Never ever let anyone influence you in any way..

you're like the caterpillar..

unsure. confused. puzzled.

being held back by the cocoon..

didn't have the freedom to make your own decisions..

unable to strive out...

lonely and miserable...

you are like the dark sky..

dark. unable to see a thing.

lost in your own ways..

NOTHING..

completely nothing.

but with God,

and the supports of your friends..

we will be like the shinning stars..

guiding you out of darkness..

lightening the true path of your life..

God has given you many chances to break free..

it's not about whether or not can you break free..

but it's a matter whether do you WANT to break free?

my friend..

it's still never too late to turn back..

God allows U-turns..

Remember that.

in a tunnel where there is nothing but darkness..

at the end of the other tunnel..

there;s always light...

HOPE.. will be there..

HOPE will be there to help you

HOPE will be there to save you..

alas..

I pray that you'll start to live the life you promised me ..

and be the good girl everyone knows..

still didn't get the picture?

-.-

FINE..

conclusion..

JOLENE NG.. DONT PONTENG CLASS! :P