:)

So far after 15 years...

I still can't fly -.-

Not going to write much today... nothing happened in school.. except for the fact I was starring at the ceiling for 6 whole hours at school. :)

School reopens

Haiz.. I still remembered the week when I was still having exam.. my table or might as well put it as ROOM was a TOTAL mess -.- Mum won't stop yelling at me to clean up my room. I don't know about you guys though, but everytime I clean up my room, the thing/ object I was suppose to look for .. disappeared. Weird. After putting all my stuff away .. then I can't find the stuff I need to use -.- that's the whole thing I hate about cleaning up my room. But .. now, my room is neat :) and it wasn't as bad as during exam week :) Another thing I hate most besides cleaning up? spring cleaning -.- I REALLY REALLY HATE IT -.- As if it aint bad enough that my nose is highly sensitive, and you're asking me to expose my nose to dust.. which I can't stand and will make me sneeze like mad -.- that's why I hated to go on duty in class, normally I just do what most people do, don't sweep :P

Well, schools reopening. How do you all feel? Excited? Nervous? Happy? Sad? .. whatever it is.. I felt like digging up a hole and hide my face there. One thing about school reopening ... you gotta wake up early.. :( damn.. I hate waking up early. And, excited to see my friends :) Bought my friends some souvenirs from my trip to KL. Guys, don't be jealous or disappointed... cause.. I don't know how to shop for guy stuff -.- seriously.. and everytime I look at that item.. I will be wondering " do guys like stuff like these? " and " is it too girly for them ? " -.- but I got you all Alice in Wonderland Bookmarks :) Anyway, back to school reopening .. I don't wanna look at my test papers tomorrow.. knowing that I'll do badly.. D: GOD SAVE ME! >.

CS competition is also coming soon.. :( I'm so darn nervous and so damn mad at the same time -.- don't go asking me why.. wanna know just ask me personally. If i was there during the holidays .. you guys probably be dead.. literally.. count your blessings that I'm not around.

I'm hook with Justin Bieber! I LOVE HIS SONGS! especially in his second album.. " baby " everytime I listen to that song, I felt like crying.. xD I don't mean to exaggerate.. but YES I LOVE YOU JB! xDD goodbye logan lerman :P I bought his album at KL .. then quickly called sylvia whether she wants them or not.. :) bet she can't wait to have it :)

oh well, decided to ditch the books early.. and go to sleep... NIGHT! :)

Weird.

Last night, I had this dream. A very weird dream. Don't go asking why. It just happened in my mind while I was asleep. It seemed so REAL. I find it a little.. disturbing? too weird to be true. The weirdest of all the weirdism I had .. so far.

I can't fully remember how it began, but I know it was at school. As in, our class, 4s2. Then, this guy, who seemed familiar .. started walking in, with a stash of pink letters, dumped it all on my desk. I was FURIOUS ( and I didn't know why ) and was like telling him off like " what gives? what's with all the pink letters?" Then he started telling me like " he doesn't love you anymore! no more! no more! " then I went all blank.. O.O? who doesn't love me? and why is he going bombastic telling me something which I don't know about and what's with the pink letters? and I have no idea why I started crying.

Moving on, Mitch.. was in the dream too. He won't stop asking me science facts. Like, what does pneumonia means, and what does it do to you.. and what is bronchitis, and what is cataracts, and catalysis.. surprisingly, in my dream, I know each of these things. O.O He was so freakingly WEIRD. Surprisingly, in my dream, I didn't respond like that. He asked and asked and asked.. but I just answered and answered.. -.-?

Then, Shirley Yip. I didn't understand how she got there, but she's there all right :) She was having her chinese exam.. they were suppose to write caligraphy. Then somehow she ran out of ink, then she wanted some more but got caught of cheating. The teacher sent her out of class. Then the freakishly part comes, she held her towel onto her nose ( like always ) and started crying. Her cry was like some sort of dragon cry -.- I don't really know how to describe it though. It was like dragon shrieking all the way, freaky.

Later, Sylvia. She was asking me maths question. I told her all the things she needs to know. But then, she started to write some sort of ... symbols.. which are unrelated to maths O.O and that look on her face was VERY freaky. It's like, eyes wide, her pen on her hands writing vigorously on her paper. I didn't like it one bit, scary. In my dream, I was... like.. " what are you drawing?" and she went all like " .... "

Let me see.. OH YEAH! GAHS! he was in there.. oh yeah, in my dream, our school actually had elevators... cool huh? but the weird part was, GAHS, me, calvin, mitch were in there.. then we were all in uniform carrying our books. GAHS was wearing PINK long pants! with strawberry printings all OVER it. In my dream, I didn't really respond to his pink long pants. He said to me " MALLO! is it RIPE out there?" and I went BLANK. completely. What did he meant by RIPE? and what's with the pink pants?! -.-'' then he started rubbing his butt onto the elevator wall -.-'''''' OK. WEIRD. COMPLETELY. Then he started giggling. -.- ( like always)

ER, who else, there were quite a number of people in my dream, and the dream was like.. cutting off here and there.. paste here and there.. so I'm a little confuzzled myself. :) YeAH! NIC WAS THERE TOO! I saw her skating about in the hall. Skate. As in.. she ACTUALLY skated across the hall as if there was ice there. I was walking towards here, then she stopped me. shocked, she just told me stay there and remain there and to not MOVE an inch. She continued skating.. skating.. and skate.. then I decided to disobey her and walk towards her eventhough she stopped me. I walked towards her and grabbed her arm but then she just vanished. Just like that in mid air. Weird huh?

OK, enough of freaking you all out. So, weird dream huh? I suppose that this isn't the kind of dream you all normally dream... right? :) well, weirdness has a way of blending in to my personality. :)

A crying heart

Do you know?

How does it feel?

to be somewhere..

but you simply can't?

Do you know?

that it's hard for me?

to just let go of you like that?

Do you know?

my heart is still beating?

eventhough I'm not with you?

Don't you know?

I never feel at ease?

When I'm needed?

but can't be there?

Don't you know?

that you are a part of me?

You're everything to me?

Nothing in the world means to me more than you do.

Don't you know?

That I spent every single day,

observing you,

thinking what might be the best for you,

and hoping it'll be useful to you.

Didn't you know?

that my heart is always beating for you?

that my mind won't stop thinking about you?
my heart aches all the time?

thinking that every moment that I should have been with you,

but I just simply can't.

Don't you know?

that I put so much faith on you?

so much trust in you?

so much HOPE?

Don't you know?

that my fingers tremble?

legs go sore?

body shakes uncontrollably?

just by thinking of you?

Didn't you know?

that my mind has nothing but you?

worrying over and over again?

helplessly drowned in worrying over you.

Don't you know?

that this feeling is eating me alive?

day by day?

just not knowing what will happen tomorrow?

Little will you know,

I'll wait by the side of my phone,

waiting for you to tell me,

that there's still hope

Hope,

is all I need now.

Hope,

please don't leave me!

Hope,

something I can cling on to,

when I fall.

You're everything to me.

You're everything that I care about.

You're everything that I've sacrificed for.

So please I beg you,

to do your best,

it's now or never,

do the best while you still can.

I know I shouldn't be going,

but I had to.

Please please please

be good,

stay strong,

stay confident,

stay positive,

never stop believing,

stay PURE :)

CS members, you guys are everything to me. I couldn't have made it this far without you. Little did you know, the strength and confidence in you all, has pushed me to the max to never stop believing in you. Your courage, determination has proven to me that hope and faith is still there, waiting in open arms for us. Guys, please don't give up. You're almost there :) believe in yourself. I know that you can make it without me.

I know that nothing is impossible.

I pray to God,

to be with you all,

the grant you the strength and confidence,

and to have special ideas for CS.

I pray that you all will improve,

and open up your hearts as you learn new things.

I pray for the leaders leading without me,

I pray that God will shine the light on them,

guiding them each and everday,

teaching you all properly.

Don;t stop believing, because I have never stopped believing in you :)

You made me believe, when I never believed in you.

Don't give up, for I have not given up on you.

You pushed me forward, when I started to give up.

You are the reason why we had made it this far. So my beloved, JIA YOU! xD

I LOVE YOU :)

Exams. Bubbles. Crap

yeah.. felt like saying THAT towards my BM paper. -.-

but no worries, I watch my language everytime :P

seriously, what in the world are those crappy meanings?

it's like another another language originated from outer space -.-

don't mind me saying that, but that's how i treated it.

well, gotta learn to love to love it sooner or later -.-

gah you freaking BM.. why won't you love me!? xD

siviks paper was also a little crappy, i copied most of the answers from the objective section. Not sure whether or not is it qualified to be given marks. xD oh well, the past is the past now, and I shouldn't be worrying over it. EXCEPT BM! :'( darn. I never thought I'd come across to this day, but YES! I ADMIT! Sejarah is WAY WAY WAY WAY WAY WAY WAY WAY WAY EASIER than BM.. call me stupid or crazy or anything you like, but I'd prefer history than BM. xD

Oh Lord God,

please be with me throughout the exam.

Guide me Lord.

Shine your light on me.

Send your guardian angels to be with me,

and grant me wisdom, confidence and strength,

so that I would be able to get good results in my exam.

To you Lord,

nothing is impossible,

and I believe that,

everything can be done in your hands.

So I pray to you Lord,

that you'd be with me

and open my heart and mind

as I sit for this exam.

well, I don't mean to exaggerate.. but that's how books are treating me nowadays. Back then during PMR.. books are dead, and they were never meant to eat you up alive. But NOW, books DO come to life. and some certain special books, would eat you up, chew your brains, drink your blood, suck your eyeballs, use your intestines as skipping ropes... ok, i think i better stop here. The whole "exam craze" has made my mind gone all..crazy.. and nothing has been going on right about me ever since -.-

speaking about going insane...

well guys, it's official, I LOVE YOU! xD forever and always.. I think mainly this applies specially to Joshua, especially due to his wacky-ness. His wacky-ness made me felt the stress level on me decreased way beyond zero level :) thanks a lot :) and also jia chyi, her sarcasm .. it helps too :) To me, laughter is always the best way to help unleash all the inner burden and battle within me. Otherwise, I'd be someone who'd go EMO all day and just.. be emo -.- I was emo a lot before, but then when I came to realize how stupid and ridiculous I was to be emo just because of a random issue, I got over it :) Well, back then, I, myself admitted that I was a little bit childish.. oh what the heck.. I'm still childish, I can never get over this attitude of myself. Basically, much influenced by younger siblings. They can like make you go crazy and do anything to irritate or annoy you, which makes you really really pissed that you'd just feel like tickling them real hard on their bellies. Well, sibling love :) you gotta love that :)

Back then, everything seemed daze.. and I was really blinded by the true meaning of life. Everytime, I looked into a mirror and saw myself, uhh.. just another ordinary day, just another emo look, just another stupid freaking day. =.= I was so blinded and influenced so by my peers that I was blinded by the true meaning of life. I kept thinking that back then life was only about sadness, tears.. blablabla.. but basically I thought life was like that back then because not a lot of people understand how I feel. Do you like being called fat all the time? I mean, there's no use for me to explain .. as you guys always judge the book by its cover -.- Dude, I know I appear to be large in size because I always drink milk ALL THE TIME. =.= it's my high bone density that made me look heavier on the weighing machine. SHEESH =.= I know that you guys were just saying it for fun, and it's ok sometimes. But at times when it goes over a certain boundary, I can't take it. Seriously. I may look like I'm happy. But deep down, I'm a little disturbed and hurt. And I'm not saying this just to unleash my inner feelings, but I know very damn well that this applies to everyone. :)

BUBBLES!

I love bubbles. Well, go ahead, call me a kid :P because I DONT CARE! xD

I just blew one bottle of my brother's soap bubble, and he got REAL PISSED at me xD

I can never get tired of bubbles. I love them so much!

reminds me a lot of my childhood.

I'd always persuade my parents to buy me these bubble soaps and I'd go crazy over them just by blowing them.

Facing the wind,

feeling the wind brushing against my cheeks,

against my locks,

the bubble floats away,

high in the air..

before it pops..

in mid air :)

Bubbles made me think of all sorts of things. Like when I was young, I always dreamed of marrying a bubble king. XD! I know that he would build me a bubble palace, bubble cars and everything in bubbles! It's like so cool, and i actually remembered i had a picture being drew out somewhere around the house. I can still picture everything and how I drew it. Since young, I always believed that bubbles are like magical kingdoms. Everytime I blew out a bubble, I believed that there are tiny people living in them ( TOO MUCH INFLUENCE FROM DR SEUSS LAST TIME! ) So, I'd try to save the bubbles before landing towards the surface of the ground. BUBBLES!

Now, my siblings have taken up the interest to blow bubbles. At age 15-16, I think people would find it weird if a 15-16 year old teenager finds blowing bubbles a hobby. ( SPONGEBOB! ) But still, when they're not at home, their soap bubbles ran out real fast, because I used them to blow BIG HUGE BUBBLES.

BUBBLES

A round sphere.

Fragile.

Brittle.

Frail.

Oh sweet little bubble,

don't you ever pop.

I love the way,

you float in mid air,

dancing around against the wind,

your uniqueness,

made me love you so.

Different sizes,

Different colours,

signifies every single moment of my childhood,

I spent together with you.

No matter what happens,

you shall be a part of my life.

I'll remember every precious second I had with you.

Sweet little bubble

Never float away from my mind :)

OK TIS LATE! BYEBYE! xD

BOOO!!!!

Did I scare you? xD

oh well, I so LOVE this photo of me above! it's like partially.. i looked a little eurasian.. xD and it's like COOL! i know.. most of you think that this photo of me aint eurasian at all -.- but look!! my HAIR kinda is though..

my hair NOW is blackish brownish.. or something like that.. but this is.. blackish brownish and reddish! :) reddish! xD it's like as if it completed the colour balance of my hair. credits goes to the photographer, SYLVIA! :)

OK, no worries, I ain't going to go dye my hair red.. I mean, that's stupid. who would want to do that? If I'd do something like that, I'd probably look like someone who just got out of the jungle. -.-

Chinese New year visiting was a total blast :) yeah, I know that the houses we went were like.. quite a few, but it's the love and joy you share with each other .. :) ok, -.- seriously, lately I've been talking like a book -.- it's like, most of the sentences blabbed out of my mouth were.. like sentences from BOOKS.. eg: the love and joy you share with each other. -.- OK, literally, that was from my journal book -.- and maybe much influenced cuz im studying for exams. ANYWAY, back to the Chinese New year visiting, we didn't stepped into that many houses compared to the others who also went for visiting, but what the heck? we had more fun !! x) it's like seeing two little whores playing my ps2, screaming, yelling at the top of their voices, laughing hysterically -.- ok, i think i better stop here..

Went to Elaine's, Joshua's and Jessie's house :) FUN most of the time, we were glued to the television watching the nanny! Is she hilarious or WHAT? she has this great sense of humour! x) made me laughed throughout.

Everyone's been busy uploading all the photos, especially a certain someone which i shall not mention and shall remain annoymous. -.- He kept uploading stupid crappy photos of me at the wrong time, like when I was laughing half way... *snapped* and I was eating halfway... * snapped* and I was browsing through the photos... *snapped* to be frank, I don't mind being taken photos, but please.. let's just be rational, you won't want me uploading any silly photos of you don't you? i mean, logically, nobody wants that. -.- I have no idea how in the world he managed to capture those ugly pictures of me without me noticing at all -.- seriuosly! :( Maybe they just can't get enough of me, well, the paparazzi's loves me:) what can I say? a helmet's work just is never done .. x)

TEST TEST TEST TEST TEST!

if only the world would abolish exams.. that will be the day! besides, you're helping to save mother earth too! No exams= save trees... AGREED? definitely. Well, exams are good and all, and I'm not gonna bore you here debating about exams-.- just by talking bout it, i felt my head expand -.- 70 pages of history... that's just crazy! :( well, so far so so.. well, better be prepared for the worst! :'(

THIS TIME! i will do better :) I promise myself.. I WILL! :)

Those who are going to be sitting for their gerak gempur, good luck, and do not fret. it's just gerak gempur and I presumed that everybody's stress level is to the max. Anyways, after this exam, when encountering another, believe me you won't feel that stress as before :) oh well, cherish your form 3 life.. it only happens once a year in your life :)

uh... gotta get back studying.. if you checked the clock, it's 1230 am. and yup.. the insomniac kicks in again...

xD

TATA!

let's just hope i sleep well and dream better today :)

CIAO :*

holidays much? don't think so .. :P

it's funny .. really..

back when school started..

we all always complained of how we wished the holidays were here.. and how we wished those wacky examinations would just disappear ... -.- and those pilling homework.. gosh they just won't stop. And the agonizing whining teachers, oh well.. gonna tolerate them for a year anyway, makes no difference :( how we wished that the endless holidays are here, where we could just throw our school bags aside.. not touching books, not touching anything related to school.. and darn i think i can't find my name tag and neck tie.. too much of the cny mood.. xD well, that was then..

NOW.. when the holidays are HERE..

the first few days were awesome.. truly .. :) you get to sleep late and wake up late with no one bugging you :) and no one to tell you to wake up and get dress.. and no more of that annoying alarm clock that destroys all my beautiful dreams :) and it's all bout me, myself and I .. and when in my own room.. I'd feel like I'm in my own tiny kingdom :)

well.. that was the first few days.. but after then, things started.. to be boring.. irritated.. boring.. annoying.. boring.. yeah, the same words kept buzzing about my mind.. and literally it's driving me crazy :( I can't believe that I'm saying this.. but I missed school :( totally.. I didn't mean the homeworks and the exams .. but I missed going there.. where you get to meet up with friends.. teachers.. and play ... xD oh well.. we humans just can't be content of what we have can't we?

have been studying lately, surprisingly.. something I'd never imagine myself do especially on a holiday....well, mid terms are like SOON and it left me with no choice.. :( bummer... studied .. but I'm not sure whether all of it went in my mind or not.. but literally.. i think some of it just slipped off.. ya know? too many info.. can give me major brain freeze. I don't mean to brag, but sometimes, that's how it is. :(

CNY was fun :) and tomorrow gonna go visiting with friends :) YAY! xD ought to be fun :) haven't had an outing with my buds for like.. AGES.. :) there's gonna be camwhoring.. LOTS and LOTS of camwhoring with my buds.. definitely :) well, specially cleaned up the place for them :) and hopefully this time it will be truly memorable to them :) I love you guys :)

I'm so HOOKED to Jodi Picoult's " keeping faith " it's like getting interesting and interesting.. and later it just gets.. WAY interesting that you feel that you're practically in the story .. felt that half of myself is reading and the other half just vanished into the story :) that's how interesting it is. this would be my 5th jodi picoult book :) and I'm loving it! :)

Lately, got my emotional all mixed up again. I just hate it though.. when this happens. And practically, I know what you're thinking.. PMS? frustrated? well, believe me it's neither any of it :P it's just .. lots of things are clamoring up my mind.. jamming every system in my body, causing my brain to malfunction a little.. sooner or later, then the insomniac kicks in. D: well, I think that's how form 4 life is to me. I know, holidays right? well, sometimes, you just feel that 24 hours a day just aint enough.. :(

Got really pissed ..

And not that.. " I'M SO MAD AT YOU " kind of pissed..

but that sort of pissed that makes your fist tightens up into a ball, eyes filled with rage, infuriated with anger, the gritting of your teeth, the urge to stab someone real hard at the back, and every muscle in your body tightens and hardens up and your mind only concentrates to nothing but THAT nuisance. Well, lucky me I'm not like that :P FYI, lucky thing I got a blog to express myself, otherwise I'd go around trashing the whole house and yelling about like some maniac who just lost her chicken -.-'' all i could say is, I don't know what he has in mind, and obviously, I DONT WANT to know whats on his mind. You make your own choice. it's not like I didn't invite you. so like YEAH.. that's about it.. >:(

I don't mean to put so much of my anger on my him though.. but it's not like I wanted it to happen this way.. and don't get me started on what happened.. do refer to my previous post " breathe " for further details.. xD

:)

GOD BLESS

and HAPPY CNY

LOVE YA