THE FEAR SONG :)

Fear is still living in me,

I beg and pleaded,

but it just wont go away...

What can I do to make you fade?

Out of sight..

Out of mind...

Oh Mr Fear,

What do you want from me?

I have nothing special ..

So just please leave me alone!

What can I do to make you disappear?

So that I can be fearless?

EESH! Mr Fear,

Can't you see I'm very busy..

I'm trying to live out my life like it's the very last..

Why are you still bugging me when I sent you off?

I guess we have to do this the hard way...

RAWR! Mr Fear..

Please do me a favor..

Just this once, let me succeed.

All I need is this once,

To prove that I am brave,

So that everything is going to be fine :)

GAH!! Mr Fear,

You're getting on my nerves..

Why is it that you just won't listen?

I'm getting tired of playing your games..

Now just get the heck out of my life..

Dear Mr Fear,

You're very quiet this few days..

Your silent treatment getting me worried..

Was it something I said?

Oh please don't drift away..

I'm truly am very sorry...

Yo! Mr Fear,

Guess who I just met,

I met with Mr Love.

He taught me how to love,

one another like yourself..

and now life couldn't get any better..

Greetings Mr Fear,

Guess what Mr love taught me,

He taught me how to fall in love.

I met this guy since a long time ago..

but now I'm unsure whether is it for real.

Times like these,

I wish I was afraid..

So that I won't make stupid mistakes.

Before It's too late,

I'm begging you please...

Do come back to me?

HEY! Mr Fear..

You're finally back!

Where have you been all this while?

I'm sorry I kept you aside in my mind..

But it's good to finally have you back :)

I guess it just comes to show,

it's good to have a little fear in you.

Sometimes it's ok to be afraid..

But don't let it all go to your head :)

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Hey fellow readers :) How's everything? Yes.. that song .. I made it up. I just feel so frustrated about things going on these few days.. and.. if i actually blogged it out here.. it will take more than just one post :) believe me xD Anyway.. I do appreciate comments :) if you have anything to say about it.. just SAY! I'm all ears :)

OH.. to people who DONT KNOW what I'm trying to say here.. it's basically about how I feel these days.. I'm toying around with my emotions.. and my frustrations just never ends because MR FEAR " the meanie " is holding on to them and never letting them go. :)

Dearest Diary,

School is going to reopen soon. And I'm not liking the feeling. You have that " freedom is gonna end " in your head, and your stomach twists around and it made you feel sick. But yea, that's exactly how I feel right now. Somehow I feel like I did lose or gain weight? but who cares? ( I do, really ) Homework is starting to pile up, and whoopee.. I haven't even touched any.. ( right ) Things have been pretty hectic really, now that everything has changed... and I have to be more responsible in doing things.. it's just.. clamoring up my freedom to do things.. you know? the stuff I use to do when holidays are here. Well, I can't do anything much right now, now that there's only 2 days left of holiday. ( bummer )

So much pressure. Coping with my piano examinations, which is on August. And it's driving me crazy. You know? having to cope with what others want... and having to practice piano every single day.. but.. I don't have that kind of time anymore now that I'm in form 4. After so long, I have been trying to search for my inner talent. Talent can mean anything right? I have been thinking about mine. Writing? Piano? Honestly speaking, I don't think Piano is my sort of thing anymore.. now that I know that I literally suck at it. If you compare me to the others.. it's completely different.. yea. Sadly as it sound.. I wish I major in it.. but unfortunately.. I don't.. I don't have the time to major in it.. but I do hope that someday I will.. :)

Once I wished that I excel in extreme sports. Like, Skiing? paragliding.. but I do have a goal though.. that 1 day I would do bungee jump. It looked interesting though.. but the problem is.. I'm never good with heights. That time, when I'm at New Zealand ... at Sky Tower, some thriller bungee jumped. It must have felt so free to fall just like that, let gravity take over your entire body.. and let your body weight do the rest. It must have been fun to do that. But to embrace your fear, it's a courage not EVERYBODY can do. But I do hope that one day.. I can do that.

Everybody has dreams. Some broken, some shattered.. some fulfilled. Nobody can have their dreams fulfilled with just the snap of your fingers, but it takes more than that.. Dreams are like stars... it's so far apart.. but it's just waiting for you to grab it. In order to grab them, you need to find solutions to get there.. same thing like what we're doing now.. don't you think?

My trip :)

cousins :)

LUGE :)

Hey guys! How's holiday so far?? Having a great time aye? Well.. Enjoy it while you still can, because holiday ends in a few days time :) After this.. the whole hectic life begins again.. tuition, school life, homeworks.. nah.. you name it yourself :) But well, let's face it. When something good happens.. it'll bound to end somehow..

Don't shed a tear,

because it's over..

Muster a smile on your face..

because it happened.

I'm pretty worked out bout the outcome of the exam. I'm so darn worried bout it. When I was at vacation and then this stupid commercial in the television .. made me worried sick because it kept talking about students with bad grades. >.<>

Ok, my vacation to NZ was awesome! Never had any better experience than this throughout my 16 years of life! I can't imagine the view there.. it's sooo BEAUTIFUL! if you take a good look at the postcards.. it's the exact same thing you will be seeing there. A lot of graduates who study there.. never plans to go back.. and now I do understand why.. such a scenic view.. nobody would want to leave.. :)

I kinda have culture shock there. :/ you know, the exposure of .. stuff that you NORMALLY don't get to see back at home. For instance.. they have this van.. painted with naked people -.- '' and uh.. I can't imagine that they actually sell rated things at normal souvenir shops.. AND the commercials.. golly.. I was covering my eyes throughout.. -.- so yea, you kinda get the idea what I'm talking about -.-

It's really COLD there.. but not at Auckland. The temperature is fine.. it's like being in an air conditioned room. But at Queenstown.. I can't believe I wore triple layer of pants and double layer of clothes PLUS my winter clothings and scarf -.- No idea how the people survive there. Most probably that they're kinda used to that climate :)

NZ is 4 hours difference from Malaysia. SO.. practically when you guys wake up.. I'm having lunch.. and when you guys are having lunch.. I'm going to have dinner soon.. and when you guys have dinner.. I'm sleeping. Pretty crazy stuff. I so miss the coldness there and it's sooo HOT here. xD oh well :( I'd do anything to go back there again.

Well, more photos can be seen at facebook :)

I really missed everybody. I can't wait till school reopens :) MISSED YOU ALL :)

:)

Everything felt like a dream,

I pinched myself hard,

Only to realize that this time,

It was really happening.

I look out of the window,

I saw the scenic view I once dream of.

My breath fogged up the glass,

And I drew a funny face.

As I walk down the boulevard,

The chilly wind started blowing.

I held my coat closer to me,

And my scarf wrapped tight around my neck.

When my gaze were locked at the clock,

My mind would run a million miles,

Thinking what will you be doing back home.

Light penetrated through my curtains,

I glanced through the window.

I saw the night sky washed across the landscape,

Silhouette with the shinning stars,

The glowing moon beaming back at me.

My mind went miles ahead of me,

Is this the exact view you're seeing back at home?

Snow started pattering on my shoulders,

It's snowing alas!

Everywhere was covered with white blankets.

Snowballs flew over, under and through me,

The cold, frozen ice ball melted against my warm cheeks.

The laughter of children filled the air,

Housewives sweeping snow off the pavement,

Guys sweeping snow off their vehicles.

This is life here.

And I'm loving it.

Sitting beside the warm fireplace,

with a cup of hot chocolate in my hands.

My whole body was still shivering from the cold.

The hot drink warmed my entire system.

The heat kinda reminded me of home.

How I missed the heat..

The warmth..

Here I am,

On my bed,

Cuddled in my blanket,

Holding my pillow tightly,

Resting my head against it.

Just by thinking about my vacation,

It got me all nostalgic.

Another chapter of my life completed.

A good bed time story to tell my future generation.

And a good adventure to reminisce about in the future.

I'm back.

And I'm glad. :)

Don't shed a tear,

because it's over,

But smile,

because it happened

WHEEEEEE

HEY HEY! how's it going? xD It's been so long since I last updated this blog.. well.. exams are over.. and I AM SOOOO RELIEVED! RAWR the exam this time seemed forever and non stop.. 2 whole weeks made it seemed like.. 2 whole months -.- I know I'm exaggerating.. but it does kinda feel like it. :( Well, enough said about the past.. now holiday's HERE!! finally.. 3 whole WEEKS~~

I feel like screaming at the top of my voice .. till my lungs can't breathe! :)))) constantly.. I'd still think that I'm dreaming.. and all of this just ain't real.. but it's real alright! HOLIDAYS ARE HERE!!! :))))

I am sooo DARN looking forward to vacation! :)) I so badly need one. I can't stand the heat here.. and it's driving me crazy every afternoon. The intense heat gets on my nerves and it makes the whole world turn upside down :( everything just don't seem right -.- Turning on the air conditioner every afternoon .. :P Heh, I rather it rain than the scorching heat -.-

-VACATION--VACATION--VACATION--VACATION--VACATION--VACATION--VACATION--VACATION--VACATION--VACATION--VACATION--VACATION--

Yeah.. these are the only words in the my mind now.. :) NZ !! here I COME! Hope I don't get jet lag -.- like last time -.- horrible horrible HORRIBLE -.-

WELL.. I'm off to do ENJOY myself now.. TATA

Miracle. Love. Friends. Silence.

A miracle had happened today :)

There are times I do wish,

That somehow I'd like to believe,

every problem faced,

can be solved,

with a blink of an eye.

The dew drops silhouetting against my window,

The dark and bright skies are playing collage,

I breathed out,

And my breath stained the car window with water.

I placed my hand on the car window.

It's cold.

It's morning.

It's Today.

No more delaying.

I had enough.

It ends today.

I was afraid.

I was timid.

I was scared.

I came in like the wind,

I knock on your door,

I see smiles,

but not yours.

I approached you,

I held your hands,

You were trembling,

I can feel it.

You stood up,

pat my shoulders,

and apologized.

It was a miracle.

God answered my prayers.

Friends,

they're everywhere.

But are they,

your true friends?

Friends,

come and go.

But true friends,

won't leave your heart.

Friends,

lend you a shoulder to cry on,

hugs you whenever you feel down,

make you smile again when you're sad.

Friends,

are the people,

whom you can count on,

trust,

believe,

rely...

Today was wonderful. A miracle happened. God answered my prayers :) I cannot believe what just happened just now. But, it DID happened. I never did believed in changing people by just talking.. I always have believed that we can make a difference by using forceful acts or forceful instructions. But I was wrong, because all along.. I never was exposed to all these.. but abruptly.. this happens.. and the feeling was.. AWESOME. :)

I had a super awesome day today.. DID YOU?

Miracles.

They don't happen just like that.

But,

They do happen,

When you least expect them to.

Miracles,

They don't fall from the sky,

They don't happen magically..

But,

It all starts from you.

Miracles,

has happened to thousands..

But,

It touches us ..

once in a life time.

Love empowers everything. No matter what the situation is. Love is the answer to all. I don't mean that puppy dog love -.-'' But, the love that someone can SHOW to the other in many ways.

Love can be trasmitted in many ways.. but the best way to show the LOVE you have for them.. is the silent way.

Silence is strong.

Silence is brave.

Silence is quiet.

Which symbolizes peace.

Love is quiet.

Love is sweet.

Love is kind.

Love is neat!

Love tells you,

the things you don't hear.

But touches you,

with silence. :)

Like I said, Life is difficult.

No one said it was going to be easy.

Yeah, it's true.

Now, Hope is all I can cling on to.

I came to you,

Out of nowhere,

Like the wind,

Knocking on your door.

Entering inside,

I see new faces.

I see smiles,

but not yours.

I came up to you

You were frightened in the inside,

but you never show it out.

Little did you know,

I was frightened too.

I never did say I'm giving up.

But I'll push myself to a whole new level.

The biggest challenge in life,

can be solved if you believe hard enough. :)

Everytime I closed my eyes,

I could only see your face.

When I'm not thinking about anything,

I could only think about you.

When I open my eyes,

All I can see is you.

I'm going to change you.

It's not impossible.

Nothing is impossible,

till you tried till the very end.

Sometimes, I do wanna blame myself. You know, taking up probation. It's like.. why did I even wanted to do this? Being one of the most HATED people in school. Well, I do admit sometimes my ego is a little over, but then, I'm constantly telling myself. Every step I've fallen, I'll get up and try again. I'm not going to call quits, I'm going to go through this till the very end. I believe I can, I believe I will.

It's not easy handling people.

You can't control them .. fact number 1.

You can't make them listen to you.... fact number 2.

You can't make them obey every single instructions you make... fact number 3.

My heart beat races,

Sweat dripping down my cheeks,

Fear clenched my teeth.

Unable to say a word.

Oh well, I was really really terrified and afraid at first. But now, I admit I am a little more daring now. Well, at least better than last week. Rome wasn't built in a day.. it all goes back to how TIME will change us :)

To all the other probationary out there.. I hope that eventhough you face many of those offenders who say or do stuff which made your self esteem lowered and confidence shattered, just remember.. Do NOT be afraid :) If FEAR is the one that's clenching you from doing all this.. be brave :)

Just like that,

The walls of my heart,

which once was surrounded with fear,

heard my sudden call.

Fear slowly disintegrate.

And there is none No More.

I stepped out,

Feeling proud and victorious,

Never again will I be shrewed,

I closed my eyes,

And I told myself..

I CAN.

And, I did

Fear.

After all of this is over,

You no longer conquer me.

No longer will you rule me.

I set the rules now.

I MAKE the decisions.

Fear.

Leave me alone.

I'm doing what's right.

If you can't except that.

Just leave.

I mustered a smile,

Because I know,

I feel good,

I feel awesome,

And my fears are dying away slowly.

I know,

I CAN do it :)

and I will

I'll never let you down. Not after what you have done for me. I won't do that to you. I promise :)