Saturday, August 7, 2010

They said that inner beauty is all that matters.. inner beauty wins over their outer appearances. Somehow, people used to tell that to me a lot, but somehow, this isn't the truth anymore. :(

I just don't understand really, what is wrong with boys nowadays? only want to go for the pretty girls? i'm not trying to implore saying that im pretty myself or whatsoever.. it's like.. somehow boys are blinded by appearances. And i believe this applies to most boys..

This world is just going to be getting even materialistic as ever.. well, that's life isn't it? hmm.. i do wonder if boys feel the same way when girls only go for the hot guys? xD because.. i don't mean to brag.. but some guys ( especially in international countries ) are handsome xD Still, in no doubt Taylor Lautner is still the hottest being on earth XD

Well, all i gotta do is wait. I'm sure if i wait longer and patient enough.. the Mr Right will be right in front of me, also patiently waiting for me. I learned that to rush a certain something especially in a relationship is not good, at all .. for the soul, for the heart and for themselves. Just like a seed of a flower. You can't expect it to grow within seconds, it requires someone to nurture it, water it, provide sunlight.. then it will blossom into something remarkable. Patience is a virtue. I keep telling myself that.

Sometimes I feel empty. Inside and out. I don't need a boyfriend to survive now.. I have all the love i need from my family and friends. :) But sometimes, i just feel empty.. and I wish someone was there to be with me.. always. I mean, who doesn't want that? sometimes I keep on telling myself I'm rushing, and there is no need for that. But sometimes I do ask myself, what if he never did wait for me? I believe this all goes back to God. I see a LOT of single ladies at the age of early 40's ... and I dont want to be like that when I'm 40 T.T

Oh God, please don't make me single for the rest of my life :(

Saturday, July 24, 2010

Music

Once upon a time, both of them were strangers, until they found each other in a music competition. The lady, Clora searched high and low for a seat to enjoy the night, but there wasn't a seat at her sight. A kind gentleman saw her. He saw a rose amongst the bushes, the bright star in the night sky, the sun that warmed his heart. Henry stood up, with his top hat on his arm, he took her hand and invited her to sit with him. Clora blushed, and sat down. Both of them were music lovers. To them, nothing matters most but music. They express their love for music deeply and passionately to each other. Before they know it, romance started blooming between them.

The couple had a very unique way of expressing each other. No words could express their inner feelings, but only music could. Henry plays the piano. When he's happy, he would play the piano cheerfully with a smile across his face, when he's sad and blue, he would play softly and tears would moist at the corners at his eyes, when he's furious, his fingers would dance angrily on the piano, playing the piano loudly even the metronome couldn't keep up. For Clora, she plays the violin. When she's happy, she would play the violin at a happy tone and even Henry's feet would start dancing around. When she's sad, the whole house would be filled with melancholy music notes. When she's angry, the strings of her violin would vibrate violently. Music brought them together, and their love for each other grew stronger day by day.

Being a music lover, Henry often performs for the people in London. The people in London loved his music performance. His life was perfect. He got the woman of his life, he got the adoring crowd. One day, he was offered to go on an European tour to perform to the people in Europe. After having to receive this remarkable news, he darted off and told Clora. At daybreak, after Henry packed his bags, he was more than ready for the opportunity of his lifetime. Clora wished she could come along, but she had too many things to do and she couldn't leave just like that. All Clora could do is wish him the best of luck. After kissing him goodbye, she saw the man of her life slowly descending from her sight, and walking into stardom.

Henry was a huge hit. He was all over the news, the papers, the media is a total buzz about Henry's performance. Clora couldn't feel any happier for him. She wished she could be there to see Henry's great performance. Everyday of her life, she always wished that Henry would come back to her, into her arms, but she know Henry has far more better things to focus on. She would stand by the window, looking out for him. The days would turn to months, and months would turn to years. Everyday when the paperboy delivers the paper, Clora would see Henry's face on the front page. At times when Clora felt sad, she would start playing her violin at a desolate tune. People who passed by Clora's house would feel sad for her, they couldn't do anything much but only hoping for Henry's return.

Clora's hope is crushed. Her thoughts would run miles ahead of her, and thinking of the worse of her relationship with Henry. She was worried that Henry would never come back for her and moved on. She broke down into tears and at moments like this she wished Henry was by her side comforting her with his cheerful music. Henry's grand piano stood at the middle of the living room, he wanted it to be the centrepiece of the living room. Clora left the piano the way it is since Henry left. Dust started to gather on the surface of the keys and the dust started to gather in layers. Clora would sit on the piano chair, placed her fingers onto the keys, she could still feel Henry's fingers on the piano, dancing away creating symphony for the entire neighbourhood. Just by thinking about him, it made Clora missed him more.

One day, the doorbell rang and it startled Clora. It was a pleasant visit from Mr Parker, Henry's close friend. Mr Parker drew a desolate sigh, and told Clora about the grieving news. Henry was back in town, but he wasn't in good shape. Parker told Clora about the incident starting from when Henry was out one night with a couple of friends, but then the driver was drunk and they met with an accident. The driver didn't survive the accident, Henry was lucky enough to have survived it, but he was in a deep comma. After hearing this, Clora couldn't stop hearing her heart shattering, her whole body was weak that she collapsed to the ground. Parker helped Clora up and brought her to the hospital to see Henry.

Arriving at the hospital, Clora couldn't imagine the sight she was about to witness behind the door of Henry's room. Clora opened the door slowly, the door creaked and all she could see was Henry, lying helplessly on the bed with only the support of a life machine. Clora walked slowly towards him as she saw the man she loved slowly dying away from her sight. She hold his hands, hoping Henry would grip her hand tightly. Minutes turned to hours, hours turned to days, days turned to weeks, Clora wouldn't give up hope, she knows that Henry would be back if she waits. The doctors looked at Henry and shooked their heads, they sighed and said he couldn't last for a week. Clora wouldn't give up hope, she still believes that everything would turn out to be alright. The next day, the doctors told Clora it was time to switch off Henry's life support machine. She knew that Henry wasn't there anymore, it's the machine keeping his body alive. Clora took a deep breath, reached for the machine switch and turned it off. She placed her warm
hands on Henry's cold cheek, kissed his lips and said goodbye. She was happy at first, after knowing that all his sufferings are gone, but then she felt glum because she knows that Henry would never be back. But she knows that one day, Henry would be waiting patiently for her, just like how she waited for Henry's return.

It was a drizzling, grim morning. The flowers that once bloomed lowered their heads, the birds that once chirped sang a sad song. It was the day of Henry's funeral. People from all over the continent came to Henry's funeral. Everybody mourned and grieved for a great performer who once brought life to the streets of London and Europe, have become part of their distant memories. Clora played her violin sadly. For Clora, music was the one that brought Henry and herself together, and that would be the way how Clora would want to send Henry off. Clora knows that Henry no longer will be by her side, but she knows that he'll always be at her heart, and waiting for her at the gates of heaven.

Wednesday, July 21, 2010

:'(

You said you believed me

You said you trusted me.

You said I was nothing like the others.

But now everything changes.

Where has that trust gone to?

You started doubting me..

It hurts me terribly.

I cannot believe someone like you

would do this to me.

Why is it so hard for you to understand?

That I'm not like the others?

I don't feel safe in my own world

I don't even feel safe in my own mind.
Somehow I just know

you might be there searching for clues

You stabbed my heart

Right to its core

I thought we dealt with this before.

I wish you knew,

how I truly felt.

I don't want this to continue anymore

I hope you'd understand.


Thursday, June 24, 2010


THE FEAR SONG :)




Fear is still living in me,
I beg and pleaded,
but it just wont go away...
What can I do to make you fade?
Out of sight..
Out of mind...

Oh Mr Fear,
What do you want from me?
I have nothing special ..
So just please leave me alone!
What can I do to make you disappear?
So that I can be fearless?

EESH! Mr Fear,
Can't you see I'm very busy..
I'm trying to live out my life like it's the very last..
Why are you still bugging me when I sent you off?
I guess we have to do this the hard way...

RAWR! Mr Fear..
Please do me a favor..
Just this once, let me succeed.
All I need is this once,
To prove that I am brave,
So that everything is going to be fine :)


GAH!! Mr Fear,
You're getting on my nerves..
Why is it that you just won't listen?
I'm getting tired of playing your games..
Now just get the heck out of my life..

Dear Mr Fear,
You're very quiet this few days..
Your silent treatment getting me worried..
Was it something I said?
Oh please don't drift away..
I'm truly am very sorry...

Yo! Mr Fear,
Guess who I just met,
I met with Mr Love.
He taught me how to love,
one another like yourself..
and now life couldn't get any better..

Greetings Mr Fear,
Guess what Mr love taught me,
He taught me how to fall in love.
I met this guy since a long time ago..
but now I'm unsure whether is it for real.

Times like these,
I wish I was afraid..
So that I won't make stupid mistakes.
Before It's too late,
I'm begging you please...
Do come back to me?

HEY! Mr Fear..
You're finally back!
Where have you been all this while?
I'm sorry I kept you aside in my mind..
But it's good to finally have you back :)

I guess it just comes to show,
it's good to have a little fear in you.
Sometimes it's ok to be afraid..
But don't let it all go to your head :)


-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------


Hey fellow readers :) How's everything? Yes.. that song .. I made it up. I just feel so frustrated about things going on these few days.. and.. if i actually blogged it out here.. it will take more than just one post :) believe me xD Anyway.. I do appreciate comments :) if you have anything to say about it.. just SAY! I'm all ears :)

OH.. to people who DONT KNOW what I'm trying to say here.. it's basically about how I feel these days.. I'm toying around with my emotions.. and my frustrations just never ends because MR FEAR " the meanie " is holding on to them and never letting them go. :)




Friday, June 18, 2010

Dearest Diary,

School is going to reopen soon. And I'm not liking the feeling. You have that " freedom is gonna end " in your head, and your stomach twists around and it made you feel sick. But yea, that's exactly how I feel right now. Somehow I feel like I did lose or gain weight? but who cares? ( I do, really ) Homework is starting to pile up, and whoopee.. I haven't even touched any.. ( right ) Things have been pretty hectic really, now that everything has changed... and I have to be more responsible in doing things.. it's just.. clamoring up my freedom to do things.. you know? the stuff I use to do when holidays are here. Well, I can't do anything much right now, now that there's only 2 days left of holiday. ( bummer )

So much pressure. Coping with my piano examinations, which is on August. And it's driving me crazy. You know? having to cope with what others want... and having to practice piano every single day.. but.. I don't have that kind of time anymore now that I'm in form 4. After so long, I have been trying to search for my inner talent. Talent can mean anything right? I have been thinking about mine. Writing? Piano? Honestly speaking, I don't think Piano is my sort of thing anymore.. now that I know that I literally suck at it. If you compare me to the others.. it's completely different.. yea. Sadly as it sound.. I wish I major in it.. but unfortunately.. I don't.. I don't have the time to major in it.. but I do hope that someday I will.. :)

Once I wished that I excel in extreme sports. Like, Skiing? paragliding.. but I do have a goal though.. that 1 day I would do bungee jump. It looked interesting though.. but the problem is.. I'm never good with heights. That time, when I'm at New Zealand ... at Sky Tower, some thriller bungee jumped. It must have felt so free to fall just like that, let gravity take over your entire body.. and let your body weight do the rest. It must have been fun to do that. But to embrace your fear, it's a courage not EVERYBODY can do. But I do hope that one day.. I can do that.

Everybody has dreams. Some broken, some shattered.. some fulfilled. Nobody can have their dreams fulfilled with just the snap of your fingers, but it takes more than that.. Dreams are like stars... it's so far apart.. but it's just waiting for you to grab it. In order to grab them, you need to find solutions to get there.. same thing like what we're doing now.. don't you think?


Tuesday, June 15, 2010

My trip :)




cousins :)





LUGE :)
Hey guys! How's holiday so far?? Having a great time aye? Well.. Enjoy it while you still can, because holiday ends in a few days time :) After this.. the whole hectic life begins again.. tuition, school life, homeworks.. nah.. you name it yourself :) But well, let's face it. When something good happens.. it'll bound to end somehow..

Don't shed a tear,
because it's over..
Muster a smile on your face..
because it happened.

I'm pretty worked out bout the outcome of the exam. I'm so darn worried bout it. When I was at vacation and then this stupid commercial in the television .. made me worried sick because it kept talking about students with bad grades. >.<>

Ok, my vacation to NZ was awesome! Never had any better experience than this throughout my 16 years of life! I can't imagine the view there.. it's sooo BEAUTIFUL! if you take a good look at the postcards.. it's the exact same thing you will be seeing there. A lot of graduates who study there.. never plans to go back.. and now I do understand why.. such a scenic view.. nobody would want to leave.. :)

I kinda have culture shock there. :/ you know, the exposure of .. stuff that you NORMALLY don't get to see back at home. For instance.. they have this van.. painted with naked people -.- '' and uh.. I can't imagine that they actually sell rated things at normal souvenir shops.. AND the commercials.. golly.. I was covering my eyes throughout.. -.- so yea, you kinda get the idea what I'm talking about -.-

It's really COLD there.. but not at Auckland. The temperature is fine.. it's like being in an air conditioned room. But at Queenstown.. I can't believe I wore triple layer of pants and double layer of clothes PLUS my winter clothings and scarf -.- No idea how the people survive there. Most probably that they're kinda used to that climate :)

NZ is 4 hours difference from Malaysia. SO.. practically when you guys wake up.. I'm having lunch.. and when you guys are having lunch.. I'm going to have dinner soon.. and when you guys have dinner.. I'm sleeping. Pretty crazy stuff. I so miss the coldness there and it's sooo HOT here. xD oh well :( I'd do anything to go back there again.

Well, more photos can be seen at facebook :)

I really missed everybody. I can't wait till school reopens :) MISSED YOU ALL :)

Thursday, June 10, 2010

:)




Everything felt like a dream,
I pinched myself hard,
Only to realize that this time,
It was really happening.

I look out of the window,
I saw the scenic view I once dream of.
My breath fogged up the glass,
And I drew a funny face.

As I walk down the boulevard,
The chilly wind started blowing.
I held my coat closer to me,
And my scarf wrapped tight around my neck.

When my gaze were locked at the clock,
My mind would run a million miles,
Thinking what will you be doing back home.

Light penetrated through my curtains,
I glanced through the window.
I saw the night sky washed across the landscape,
Silhouette with the shinning stars,
The glowing moon beaming back at me.
My mind went miles ahead of me,
Is this the exact view you're seeing back at home?

Snow started pattering on my shoulders,
It's snowing alas!
Everywhere was covered with white blankets.
Snowballs flew over, under and through me,
The cold, frozen ice ball melted against my warm cheeks.
The laughter of children filled the air,
Housewives sweeping snow off the pavement,
Guys sweeping snow off their vehicles.
This is life here.
And I'm loving it.

Sitting beside the warm fireplace,
with a cup of hot chocolate in my hands.
My whole body was still shivering from the cold.
The hot drink warmed my entire system.
The heat kinda reminded me of home.
How I missed the heat..
The warmth..

Here I am,
On my bed,
Cuddled in my blanket,
Holding my pillow tightly,
Resting my head against it.
Just by thinking about my vacation,
It got me all nostalgic.
Another chapter of my life completed.
A good bed time story to tell my future generation.
And a good adventure to reminisce about in the future.
I'm back.
And I'm glad. :)

Don't shed a tear,
because it's over,
But smile,
because it happened