emptiness

haha..yesterday was justine and patricia's birthday.. since i am suppose to be dropping class next year.. i think this is a great oppurtunity to get to know sylvia, ian and patricia better..

haiz.. i enjoyed myself on that day thats for sure.. ate ice cream with french fries..quite gross at first but it was tasty.. watched HSM 3 with ian, syl and pat.. it wasnt that bad as i thought it would be.. i was really impressed ...^^ the movie was good.. two thumbs up to HMS 3! then we drank coffee ...OMG!! starbucks is like heaven! one sip of it.. i felt my brain calmed.. and so released.. i have never felt so good in my life.. the coffee was brilliant.. eventhough for a person like me who normally drink coffee.. starbucks is still better.. i must admit that it had a really great taste...

felt really empty and lonely.. its like as if i am so trapped and so confused with my own emotion .. feeling really frustrated... have too much thoughts in my mind.. its like school is almost coming to an end.. i am so gonna miss school.. dont know why i just said that.. i am so gonna miss u guyz.. life is so dull when there is no one out there..

so confused!! felt so empty! its like there is no one out there anymore its only me alone.. its less than 16 dayz till school is over..if only somebody could shed some light on me.. and comfort me.. that will be great^^

><

happy burfdae to patricia and justine...^^

went to parkson, drank loads of coffee, ate too much popcorn...puked and drop dead..><

haiz.. a year is almost over.. things i wanted to do.. its not yet accomplished.

feeling very confused.. emotion collision.. dont knoe what to do.. bored.. sad .. frustrated.. ARGH!!! i need help!!

silent, silent, silent, silently...><

clouds are getting dark..
so dark..
i cant see anything..
i cant feel anything..
i felt..
the coldness inside me..
the darkness inside me..

so cold..
so dark..
i am so lost ...

then..
rain started pouring..
i looked at myself ..
and i saw nothing..

all i ever wanted..
something in my life..
doesnt even cost a cent..

in this world of silent tears..
tears roll down silently..
the pain is killing me silently..
so silent..
like silent death..

welcome to happy land my friend..
in here..
as you approach..
its gloomy..
dark...
silent..

silent tears..
full of pain and misery..
so painful which is much more worse than a blade..
its cutting my heart..
into bits and pieces..

black..
a colour of darkness..
so dark..
very dark..
watever colour is painted on it...
it still remains dark..

a piano..
a stubborn musical instrument..
plays watever u wanted..
but i took it for granted..
and.. the piano..
uses its sharps and flats..
a straight shot on the head..
silently..

all i seek..
something simple...
moments like this..
i wish that you are here beside me..
to comfort me when i am down...
sadly..
the person i have been waiting for this whole while..
hasnt yet appeared..
still remains as a mystery..

here i stood..
at a corner...
heavy teardrops..
splashing heavily..

this world of silent tears..
will it ever go away..??
this world..
nothing but darkness and pain..

as i approach my teenage life..
i see nothing but silent tears and cries..
i want this world to go away..

my world..
full of silent tears..
will there be anyone out there?
to free me from this world?
this world...
no matter wat i do..
its still the same..

i tried to approach them..
they only threw words at me..
i felt sad..
i felt that its not worth living!
i dont feel like to live anymore..
its not worth it..

after all i did..
just went down the drain..
its completely useless..
i know its good for me..
but still..
no point rite?
no support..
i dont feel anything..

its so hard to breath..
i cant feel my legs and arms..

all i wanted ...
from you..
its just very simple...
its right in front of you..
waiting for you to find out..

*peace be with you*


-Mallory 16.10.2008

i grow up too fast!

i am alive..

i always am..

i have been living and alive for 14 years and 2 days..

all i ever wanted..

i wanted too many things..

things which cant be bought in stores..

i wanted to have happiness..

i want to have loads of friends..

i want to the sun to shine everyday..

i wanted barney to come to life...

i want my beloved stuffed animal to talk to me..

i want my imaginary friend to come to life..

i always wanted to play with purple and brown...

i want to many things..

sadly, all those things i wanted just cant come true..

i was little back then...

as i look upon a basin..

which i couldn't reach when i was little..

now.. the basin is too short for me to use..

i remember i had to ask my teacher to carry me to wash my little hands..

as i grew up..

i tend to put all my wants aside and try to never remember it..

but those are sweet memories of my childhood..

i wanted so many things..

now to think of it..

all my wants are very very precious to me..

why have i put it aside for so long without even thinking bout it!

i grew up too fast!

i want to go back becoming a 5 year old again!

i dont want to grow up! yet..

things i want to experience when i was a kid is not fullfilled..

i want to swim in a pool of chocolate..

i wanted the trees to be made up of ice-cream!

i want the mountains to be made out of layers of cake!

i want the clouds to rain cookies!!!

oh..that will be sweet..

i think i am getting too old for that..

but there is no harm to imagine it rite?

i dont want to be mature!

turn back time...

to when i was little..

if God could turn back time for me..

i would give up anything just to enjoy my childhood again..

i want to grow up..

but i think i am growing up too fast!

slow down time!

i want to watch cartoon!

i even use to think there are monsters under my bed..

i was afraid of many things..

namely..

• electronic devices-my mum says that the plugs are vampires which sucks blood
• lightning-my mum also told me that when you're naughty.. God will struck you down with his lighning..
• water-i have phobias of people drowning.. i hate to go into pools unless i have a float..
• other people@strangers- well, i dont know them..

kinda dumb huh?

to be afraid of such things..

i grew up too fast!!!

i dont want to grow up anymore!!!

maybe a little more then stop ..

give me a period of time to enjoy back my childhood!

next year.. PMR..

after PMR then two years then i am off to college..

then uni..

whoa whoa whoa... slow down..

but its true!

if i could turn back time..

i would resit my UPSR and get straight A's//

i would correct my mistakes which i shouldn't have commited..

i would have a chance to play with my pet dog-cranberry again one last time..

i want so many things..

is it too late to ask for it again?

lol...see too many ppl put this at their blogs..

What Malloryjimmydominic Means

You are confident, self assured, and capable. You are not easily intimidated. You master any and all skills easily. You don't have to work hard for what you want. You make your life out to be exactly how you want it. And you'll knock down anyone who gets in your way! You are usually the best at everything ... you strive for perfection. You are confident, authoritative, and aggressive. You have the classic “Type A” personality. You are relaxed, chill, and very likely to go with the flow. You are light hearted and accepting. You don't get worked up easily. Well adjusted and incredibly happy, many people wonder what your secret to life is. You are well rounded, with a complete perspective on life. You are solid and dependable. You are loyal, and people can count on you. At times, you can be a bit too serious. You tend to put too much pressure on yourself. You are wild, crazy, and a huge rebel. You're always up to something. You have a ton of energy, and most people can't handle you. You're very intense. You definitely are a handful, and you're likely to get in trouble. But your kind of trouble is a lot of fun. You are a free spirit, and you resent anyone who tries to fence you in. You are unpredictable, adventurous, and always a little surprising. You may miss out by not settling down, but you're too busy having fun to care. You are fair, honest, and logical. You are a natural leader, and people respect you. You never give up, and you will succeed... even if it takes you a hundred tries. You are rational enough to see every part of a problem. You are great at giving other people advice. You tend to be pretty tightly wound. It's easy to get you excited... which can be a good or bad thing. You have a lot of enthusiasm, but it fades rather quickly. You don't stick with any one thing for very long. You have the drive to accomplish a lot in a short amount of time. Your biggest problem is making sure you finish the projects you start. You are balanced, orderly, and organized. You like your ducks in a row. You are powerful and competent, especially in the workplace. People can see you as stubborn and headstrong. You definitely have a dominant personality. You are very intuitive and wise. You understand the world better than most people. You also have a very active imagination. You often get carried away with your thoughts. You are prone to a little paranoia and jealousy. You sometimes go overboard in interpreting signals. You are very open. You communicate well, and you connect with other people easily. You are a naturally creative person. Ideas just flow from your mind. A true chameleon, you are many things at different points in your life. You are very adaptable.

What's Your Name's Hidden Meaning?

well, ya i kinda agree for watever they wrote ...i am a little rebel and can be nice if i want to...MUAHAHAHAHA

birthday celebration~

a sincere thank you i want to say to all of u who made this special for me.. happy birthday ian! thank you guyz for making this day very special to me.. this is the best birthday i had since last year.. well, last year was great but this wan is even better.. thanks guyz.. i will cherish every moment i had with u guyz..

well it was fun.. we went to eat.. and roller blade.. OMG! roller blading is so painful if u dont know how to roller blade like me.. it took me bout 30 minutes to learn how to rollerblade.. and to stable myself.. i think i fell for more than 4 times.. my elbows and knees are a little bruised ..so.. wat the heck? i still had fun that day.. hehe~~

went to Wonderland.. where there is always LOVE!! but there is no hope..but there is always LOVE>.< hahax.. went singing there.. very loud and noisy...played many games.. hehe.. and we also went to another amusement park.. there we challenged ian to ride the small car which all kids ride.. but he refuses to .. awhh.. its okay ian.. dont cry!

oh yes.. taking picture! well, sorry guyz... for those who did not receive any pictures.. coz mostly its like me, sylv and erix choose d.. so mostly we get the pics.. sorry>
thanks michelle for ur birthday wish.. by the way, @@ron did help u say happy birthday to me.. its all rite.. i also want to thank joshua for his kind consideration and he felt really sorry for unable to attend my birthday celebration.. but still, thanks..

thanks a lot! i dunno how many times to say thank you to u guyz.. u dont know how much that day means a lot to me.. not going to have a celebration like that anymore next year.. well got lar.. but maybe a little delayed.. still deciding wat to give ian yet..

to all of u... ky, justine, @ron,@rix, josh,michelle, jacq, sylv, steve.. u are like the best people in the whole wide world and which i couldnt live without..

ps: to ky: y did u buy that hairband anyway? who is it for ?wakakaka