Literally, I'm confused :/

I have weird moods lately.. and this has happened to me.. for like.. A LONG TIME -.- for a second, I felt .. jealousy? then anger? then the happy-go-lucky mood? ok, seriously even I don't know what's wrong with me. My mind is buzzing.. full of .. confusion? and I can barely see where this is going. It's like there are SO MANY U turns going about.. and I just feel like screaming.. I don't like this feeling.. this CONFUSED feeling. GOSH MY HEAD HURTS!

Love? Hatred? Jealously? I seriously have no idea what's going on! definitely not Love .. but hatred and jealously? eh... *blank face *

Well, just for you all to know, I have taken up prefectorial board :) well, since cs state is confirmed 200% a no go.. then I'm not going to waste the remains of my life in Chung Hua to EAT. SLEEP. STUDY. HOMEWORK. I mean... the sense of adventure isn't there! Life is a climb.. sometimes you get it.. sometimes you don't .. :) well, to me stress pushes me forward to study and I believe this is a challenge most of us will reconsider twice before applying. Believe me, you don't know how LONG have I reconsidered this.

Sometimes, I do wonder. Is there something wrong with me? What are the odds about me not like anybody else? I know now that I'm the " odd one out" but you can also put it in a positive way the " special one " Have you ever not reconsidered the fact how I managed to get over it? How I spent endless days being miserable the whole time everytime you say that? This is me. If you can't accept it. Get Lost. I felt pretty stupid really, to change myself to be like others. I mean, what was I thinking? peer pressure is something not everyone CAN see with their naked eyes.. but somehow it manages to influence us starting from the roots of our souls. Well, I'm not going to change what's inside of me.. but on the outside.. :) saving it for a special day.. ever since I was a little girl, I have been looking forward to this special day..

Looking in the mirror.. I see someone who is trying to escape from the world.. locking the world behind my mind.. never to even peep at the windows. Burying my face deep in my hands, sitting down in the corner of a room.. yeah.

Well, let's face it. Criticism comes and goes in our lives. But hey? let's just be optimistic here. You are who you are. People love you for who the way you are.. but NOT by who you aren't. Yes, the term inner beauty is the one that counts is true.. but somehow.. when you face situations like this.. it doesn't work ALL the time. God is very fair. He created us in his own image and likeness.. and everyone is imperfect.. EVERYONE has a weakness to bear. EVERYONE learns to overcome their weaknesses and enjoy life the way it is suppose to be. :)

Why is it so hard for me to fathom out? Everytime, I wonder.. who is winning? Pure?? or Temptation in my heart?